I have a little something known as "Avoidant Personality Disorder."
See, I have to deal with the fear of rejection from others, and my shy personality adds to that.
I may appear as a bright, outgoing young woman, but in reality, I'm as shy as they come.
I fear being abandoned and neglected by others, so I try not to get close.
However, my kind demeanor prevents that from happening.
Ever since I was young, I had always attracted people to me, whether I wanted to or not.
Now, it's not as strong as it used to be, but it's still there.
That... "pull" that certain people have to me scares me, honestly.
"What if these people betray me like before?"
"Why did they choose to be friends with me?"
So many more questions that are asked in my head, when I simply refuse to accept this simple truth:
People like me for me.
I love all the people in my life, and I would never replace them for the world.
It is simply the fear, the anxiety... that I feel about rejection.
It slowly continues to eat away at my common sense and happiness, and it just needs to stop.
However, the only person who can accomplish this is myself.
My friends are my support, and I need them more than I think they realize.
I only hope that they do not let me go, for I could never do that to them.
I love them so much...
And I know that they love me too.
In the end, we all need a little love, to keep our spirits strong and confident.
I will overcome this disorder.
I overcame my depression.
APD is nothing.
Destati Destati
22-25, F
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

I won't reject or abandoned you. You've proven me that you're a good friend from top to bottom and that's rare these days. I know it's a little early to be saying that but I usually don't trust people either until I've known them for quite some time. You're one of the lucky few who have passed 100% without worry :)