Not Like Most People Think......
I struggle more with the "being ok" that I'm overweight. I stopped battling my weight years ago when I finally realized that everytime I lost 30lbs, the pesky thing would fine me again & bring 20 extra friends just to p*ss me off. lol.
So I stopped trying so hard to lose the amount everybody said I should. Most of the time I'm okay with how I look. I know that when I take the time & energy, I can look extremely good for a "fat chick". I weight 302lbs right now. I go up & down like a yo-yo more times then not. I don't seem to go above 308lb now (my highest was 325lbs), but I never seem to go below 250lb, & I haven't been there since before I quit smoking 8 yrs ago. I have talked to my doctor & we both agree there is no way on GOD's green earth that I will ever be in the supposedly "healthy" BMI for my height. At 130lbs, I'd look sick & probably feel it too. lol.
No, I no longer worry so much about what the BMI chart says. I worry more about how I feel. How my body reacts to daily living. That's the only reason I still try to lose. Not by dieting or joining a gym. Nope, I just cut down my portion sizes, try not to snack so much at night & drink lots of water. I walk when I can, & try to get up & move around every hour or so for about 10 minutes. It helps, it's slow, but it is coming off. It took me 18 yrs to put all this weight on, so I'm assuming it's gonna take some time to get it off.
I also know that to be healthier & to get just some of my health problems under better control, losing a few pounds will do wonders. What I have to realize though in the last 6 months or so, is that weight is really just a number. I seem to put way too much stress on myself because my tummy happens to be a bit large & my butt is wide. Mahahahha! My measurements aren't that great, but I'm trying to be okay with who I am. I know inside that I am an absolutely AWESOME woman, now I just got to get the rest of me to believe it. lol. Until then, I will struggle more with my own image of myself then my weight. I'll let that number work itself out. =)
Love & Blessings, xo