Sensitive Issues With Partnering With A Much Wealthier Man.I am sure most people's first reaction is 'WHAT'S THE PROBLEM'?
Well, more then you might think.
I am from a blue collar family. We were lower to mid middle class. I had periods in early adulthood of being downright poor. RIght now, I am lower middle class and struggling a bit.
I have never really coveted wealth. I have always been happy to have food on the table, meet my monthly bills, and have time to spend with my family and friends doing activities that I enjoy. I consider that wealthy, anyhow. I have been through periods in my life when that level of living was luxurious and I realize that to a huge portion of the world's population, it is the standard of luxury.
I have become seriously involved with a successful professional man. Not ultra rich by any means, but very well off. He is very kind, generous, and loving. However, the class difference does create some challenges.
The hardest challenge is witnessing the differences between our daughters, and feeling sad over how our financial situation has effected her past experiences and future opportunities.
Right now, his daughter is at home and awaiting her first fall semester to attend graduate school. She is a hard worker, and she does a lot to help with the 200 acre farm, she lives on with her mother. But, she lives on a one and a half million dollar farm that her dad built.
There is no way I could afford to send my daughter to college without lots of financial aid and student loans. It would pretty much break me. She is going to go the non-traditional route anyway, but I still don't have a lot of money to help her launch.
This weekend I was invited to go along for a ski weekend at Lake Placid where they are going to race. I thought about going, but I have no desire to leave my daughter to go watch them play while we try to figure out how we are going to bridge a very large pending loss of income and get our house in some semblance of order.
The very notion of taking off for ski weekends is a foreign concept to me, anyhow. A lot of this feels very foreign to me.
I think the whole thing is exacerbated because my daughter never really had a father, and not only is his daughter securely protected financially, but she is the adored only child. My heart breaks for my girl sometimes.
I love my boyfriend, and he is very good to me. He has already helped me out financially far more then I feel comfortable because it was a question of heating the house. He helps me out of love, openly offers it, and shows no resentment, but I feel very strange with it. It feels uneven and odd to me. He is no way a snob, very down to earth, and I feel very lucky to be with him and it's not for the money. And, I know he wants to help my daughter, but it feels too soon (we have only been together for a little over a year although we have been friends for several years at this point) at this point in our relationship.
I think witnessing the difference in lifestyles and opportunities has been disconcerting to me.
Believe me, I know there are worse problems to have then falling in love with someone who is financially successful. But, I have found the whole thing so foreign and uncomfortable at times, I have felt like leaving the relationship because I feel so out of place. I guess I have always been independent, and though it hasn't been much, it has been enough to survive.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but it is how I have been feeling. I spent the day paying a pile of bills and just having enough money left over to keep gas in my car until the weekend. I guess it feels like we are in different worlds sometimes.
He wants me for his partner, and he wants a future with me. I think that I have always been uncomfortable with the concept of not only wealth, but having a man take any financial responsibility for me. I am very protective of my own independence and personal integrity, this has been oddly challenging for me.
Anyway....it is what it is.
rosedl 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 Jan 22, 2013