I Just Want To Be Happy With My Body Before Im 30

Growing up i was a chubby girl. I have always loved to eat. part of the problem was asking for junk food and having too nice parents that would give in to my requests. I was an active girl, i was in the ymca swim team from 5-7 and then the local community swim team from 8-11. I loved rollerblading and riding my bike and palying outside, but i ate too much food. By the time i was 15 i weighed 210 that was the heaviest i got. (although i am 5'10" so it distributed evely but there was no denying i was overweight) That year i made up my mind to truly lose the weight. in the past i had joined the Ymca, and drank slimfast, but never truly dedicated myself. My aunt introduced me to Herbalife (which today i wont recommend, but i cant deny it helped me then) i took theherbalife for about 2 months, i dropped 40 lbs. to 170lbs. sadly i lost the weigth so fast that i had alot of flabby skin especially at my arms, inner thighs and lower tummy. I went off the herbal life and truly changed my lyfestyle.
thats about the time i met my first boyfreind. I am ashamed to admit, that he taught me how to "throw up" after eating alot. For about 1 year on and off i would throw up when i ate too much.we broke up eventually. But that horrible habit lingered. i struggled with this , trying to gain control over it. eventually i learned better eating habits. like stopping before i am at that point of disgust.
I am happy to no longer purge, and live a healthy happy, natural way. It is so hard to stop that cycleonce you start. but it is possible with determination, and changing behaviors that trigger it, an the way you respond to it;.
I am a health nut today. I love eating healthy, i love working out, and lifting weights. I currently bench 90, trying to make it to 100!
my body has definetely changed alot since my teen years, but there is still this flabbiness that has stayed that no matter how hard i work out doesnt go away. I feel like surgery is the only way for me to get rid of it.
At times it depressed me because ive never had a tight body, ive never felt attractive. I hate looking at my body naked, i cannot stand it. Thankfully my boyfreind is very reassuring and loving, and he tells me im to harsh on myself.
i currently weigh 166 which is about midrange for my height. I dont care about being stick skinny, i love being strong and i just want to have a tight body. surgery scares me. im sure if i got breast implants and a mini tummy tuck id be happy, but thats just not my style. Tattoos and piercings i can do, but surgery....i cant. i either have to learn to accept myself, or forever live worrying about how i look.... and im tired of caring about that. there are more important things to worry about, but thats always there on top of my list. it is kind of like OCD it occupies my mind often, if i dont work out i stress out abit. if i eat junk food i stress out abit. i am always planning what i eat, and when. im in this constant struggle to achieve the body i never had. am i wierd?
leeloo7 leeloo7
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 21, 2010

You are my inspiration! Thanks for sharing such an honest story!

I'm so glad you have a good boyfriend that supports you and loves you for who you are. You ex sounds like such an ***! How could someone encourage someone they supposedly love to do something so unhealthy!? I don't think you are weird, I think most women obsess about their bodies especially in today's society where models are airbrushed to look even thinner then the unhealthy weight they are already at. I often wish I had a tummy tuck too since I am a normal weight and that little belly is the last thing I can't get rid of. Your boyfriend is right that you are to harsh on yourself, just like my husband is right that I am to hard on myself.