Unfortunately, now that I have grown up, I notice this every day. When I see myself in the mirror, when I look at myself in the reflection on a store window. All I see is this person who is fat, is not proportioned, little, sad looking woman. Someone who will never have any love in her life because of her looks.
I do have love in my life but I am, most of the time, afraid of what people see me as when I am with him.
I know I shouldn't look at myself in this way though I do blame the media for this. Everywhere I go, all I see are beautiful, though very skinny women. Nothing like me at all. I feel bad about myself when I see them.
I know I should be happy for what I am and what I have. I am working on a better body image. Though it does take a lot of time.
Get your questions answered!
Posted by eastsidechick on Feb 6th, 2008 at 11:31AM
Thank you. I wish the same to you too. I am finding that this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am there for you also. Just because we weigh more than other people doesn't mean that we should be put down. By the sounds of things, you have a great personality. I think we should try to change our perceptions of ourselves together. The more, the merrier!
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Posted by fungirlmmm on Jul 19th, 2008 at 6:25AM
Mariposa, I read your story with tears in my eyes because I was this person you describe 4 years ago and I want to say first off that every person is beautiful whether you weigh 100 pounds or you weigh 500 pounds. You beauty isn't an external attribute it comes from within you and deep within you and if you aren't happy with yourself then you are not going to project beauty to other people. It is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It took me a long time to realize this. If you read through my stories you will see that I used to weigh around 400 pounds and actually being honest at one point over 400 pounds. I won't bore you with my entire story bc you can read it in my profile but I have lost over 300 pounds in the last 4 years. Not only that though, with the encouragement of the most awesome EP guy ever, if you look to your left you will see me in all my glory half naked and showing my body...It feels awesome to feel this free and again I want to stress it does NOT matter how big or small you are you are beautiful...It is about finding your assets and making sure you focus on those and not the negatives... You mention you thought your butt was shaking too much... Girl what does Beyonce, J Lo, Britney and even Mylie do when they get on stage... they jiggle like jello girl! I am sincerely worried about you because the things you are saying are the things I felt and said when I wanted to die or control food the first time and I had a terrible eating disorder and once you have it you deal with it every day for the rest of your life... I won't get into it but if you are doing crazy diets or you are doing other things trying to lose weight please tell your guy what is going on... I actually have 17 guys in my life that are constantly reminding me not to go backwards and to eat healthy. If you do not have such a person I will help you. All you have to do is PM and ask. I was where you are and I know how sh*tty it feels.
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Posted by SerenitySeeker on Jul 19th, 2008 at 6:44AM
What a beautiful offer, fungirl....I agree with you...beauty is within us, but I know what this author means...I get tears in my eyes when I am forced to look at myself in the mirror...when I was young I was thin and pretty...time, babies, self-loathing, depression and binge eating have brought me to 230 pounds...I have fat in places I never knew I would...It used to be I couldn't even say the word 'fat'...I spelled it out...F-A-T....so, I'm trying to do two things - accept and be kind to the body I have...it has taken a lot of abuse, but gotten me to where I am today...also, to take better care of my body by eating healthy and getting more active...will I ever be a size 2? No...but that isn't my goal...mine is to be able to feel comfortable...be able to get off the floor easier...be less tired...conquer some weight-related health problems...so, here's to all of us learning to love ourselves - fat and all....SS
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Posted by eastsidechick on Sep 20th, 2008 at 12:54AM
Fungirl - Thank you so much! I really needed that encouragement. When I wrote this experience, I was not in the right place in my mind. Right now, I am working on thinking more positively. I am doing awesome in thinking positive. The weight loss will come, though this time I am not pushing it. I am eating healthy and properly.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement!
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