I Don't Think I'll Ever Learn To Love Myself......Not really sure why I'm writing. Maybe because self-hatred is an old friend of mine- not altogether a good one. Self-hatred to me is the best friend you might have had in high school, the one that's constantly putting you down and making you feel bad, to the point were you no longer know why you are friends with that person.
So, I guess I might as well go with my real age. I'm fourteen- and six feet tall.
Six feet - *******- tall. Give another inch or two.
On top of it - I'm much curvier than girls my age ( only at the waist , unfortunately) and I hate it. I look at girls like Kim Kardashian, or Megan Fox, and I think,
"Now, why couldn't I look like that? Not yet, but maybe in the future....:" but I know with my current shape it'll never happen. Ever.
I don't like my face- or my blemishes. I get told all the time that I'm beautiful- yes, I'll admit. But what I cannot fathom is why I never believe these people, now matter how many times it's said. I still look in the mirror. and instantly I think- " Well, there's pimples there, misshaped body there....."
I'm been made fun of for the shape of my body- and my skin. I've been made fun of for my lips- my eyes- OK, basically every limb I possess. (Literally, even my feet and hands. )
People always make such a big deal about my height ( "friends) , comments like:
"You've gotta be at least 6"3." If I insist I'm 6"1 ( I was measured and weighed at the doctors about a week ago, thank you.) They'll continue to insist I'm 6"3 or 6'4. Not just one person either, usually two, three, or four. And they'll continue with their lame speculations,
"You're gonna be like 7 foot when you're older, ****. " and they laugh and think it's so funny. I get much more, almost everyday- and it's been going on for years. Most insults don't hurt me anymore because I'm so used to it. Is it really possible to become used to insults? It's sad that a person should have to.
And don't get me started on romance. Boys my age and a couple years older want girls who are small, petite, have perfect little butts and big ****. I have neither- I seriously literally ******* hate myself. To a point were I would gladly change places with anyone, anybody.
I guess the whole point of this is to ask, am I alone? Am I the only 6 foot tall fourteen year old on this earth? And is the bull **** ever going to end, when will I be able to feel comfortable in my own skin!?
Iloveskittles2009 13-15 2 Responses 1 Oct 22, 2011