I Don't Think I'll Ever Learn To Love Myself......

Not really sure why I'm writing. Maybe because self-hatred is an old friend of mine- not altogether a good one. Self-hatred to me is the best friend you might have had in high school, the one that's constantly putting you down and making you feel bad, to the point were you no longer know why you are friends with that person. 
So, I guess I might as well go with my real age. I'm fourteen- and six feet tall. 
Six feet - *******- tall. Give another inch or two. 
On top of it - I'm much curvier than girls my age ( only at the waist , unfortunately) and I hate it. I look at girls like Kim Kardashian, or Megan Fox, and I think, 
"Now, why couldn't I look like that? Not yet, but maybe in the future....:" but I know with my current shape it'll never happen. Ever. 
I don't like my face- or my blemishes. I get told all the time that I'm beautiful- yes, I'll admit. But what I cannot fathom is why I never believe these people, now matter how many times it's said. I still look in the mirror. and instantly I think- " Well, there's pimples there, misshaped body there....." 
I'm been made fun of for the shape of my body- and my skin. I've been made fun of for my lips- my eyes- OK, basically every limb I possess. (Literally, even my feet and hands. ) 
People always make such a big deal about my height ( "friends) , comments like: 
"You've gotta be at least 6"3." If I insist I'm 6"1 ( I was measured and weighed at the doctors about a week ago, thank you.) They'll continue to insist I'm 6"3 or 6'4. Not just one person either, usually two, three, or four. And they'll continue with their lame speculations, 
"You're gonna be like 7 foot when you're older, ****. " and they laugh and think it's so funny. I get much more, almost everyday- and it's been going on for years. Most insults don't hurt me anymore because I'm so used to it. Is it really possible to become used to insults? It's sad that a person should have to. 
And don't get me started on romance. Boys my age and a couple years older want girls who are small, petite, have perfect little butts  and big ****. I have neither- I seriously literally ******* hate myself. To a point were I would gladly change places with anyone, anybody. 
I guess the whole point of this is to ask, am I alone? Am I the only 6 foot tall fourteen year old on this earth? And is the bull **** ever going to end, when will I be able to feel comfortable in my own skin!?
Iloveskittles2009 Iloveskittles2009
2 Responses Oct 22, 2011

as another lover of skittles, let me just say that, im sure that without even seeing you that you are beautiful. How can i make this statement you ask? Because if you have the courage to express yourself freely and you seem honest. Uh and most of the stuff you wrote, (even tho i am a dude) i can relate to. I have a very hard time understanding what people see in me. But i try, i try to see my faults and instead of letting them bring me down i accept them as part of my quirky personality. And as for the last guys comment uh well i wont say anything rude, even tho if he really has abs like that i already hate him, uh just find yourself a black guy and you will be set, he did say one thing right tho and that is learning to love yourself, like i said before i have had a very hard time doing this, im 19 5' 11" and 225 lbs, ad trust me its not all muscle, i have a disorder that causes the pain receptors through out my body to activate even tho i have no physical cause for it. uh but i know that when it comes down to it that i am a good person, well most of the time, and even tho i still get down sometimes, which we all do, i still have learned to love myself for every part of myself, even the parts that i see as flawed because if other people can see thru it, like all those who say you are beautiful (because you are) than so can you and so am i, also i havent slept in a really long time another pleasent side affect of my disorder so i apologize for rambling but i hope that it wasnt to crazy and that it helps you, first and foremost, even tho im writing this at the end, your not alone you have people that love and care for you, and extremely tired strangers who just want to see you happy

I wish I could say something. But to be honest, I have never been in this situation.<br />
I hope that one day, you will learn to love yourself or someone else will learn to love you...