Skin Disease On Top Of Weight Issues

I have just found out that I have a rare skin disease called dowling Degos. I have black spotty skin pigmentations all over my armpits and stomach. Not only is this disease untreatable, it is also permanent and the spots are most definitely going to get darker as I age. I have been suffering from this since I was thirteen. I have also gained weight as a result of depression. I have stretch marks on my thighs and my hips. I miss feeling happy. I miss wearing my bikini and going swimming and wearing sleeveless shirts. My body is so ugly. I am only fifteen years old and I cannot live life normally. I am more than ready for my life to end. I feel like this disease and my stretch marks are holding me back from doing the things I want to do. I don't have anyone in my family to talk about my problems. I feel so alone and ashamed and ugly.
Serenityks Serenityks
13-15, F
2 Responses May 13, 2012

I have to thank you so so so much for your kind words and your encouragement. You have made my day and you have brought happy tears and a smile to my face :) its so reassuring to know that there are people suffering from the same things that I am. I think the reason why I'm feeling so insecure is because in my daily life I'm surrounded by people who are perfect. No body scars, no weird skin conditions, normal weight. And then I see that there are other people just like me, and that itself has given me hope :) thank you again for your comment. I will certainly keep your words in mind the next time I am feeling depressed. <3

You are not alone. You are demonstrating great inner strength by writing your story here on EP for all to read. I really feel for you. I, too, am very heavy. In my youth, I was always on the heavy side. I got by because I was involved in sports and kept active. In my early 20s I was injured, and I have not been able to be in sports since. This has made my life difficult as I've packed on the pounds. I, too, have plenty of stretch marks. I had a skin condition that I called "itch, scratch, run" disease. I would get an itchy spot along the nerve endings, starting in my feet. I scratched and scratched, making sores until they bled. I'd pick the scabs and scratch more. It spread to my hands and arms, stomach, breasts, but thankfully not to my face. Nothing worked, and even a dermatologist told me it was a mental condition and I was mentally ill. I was devastated. I was at a friend's farm, and they noticed I was scratching a lot. They had some sort of cream they used on their dairy cows, and the whole family used it for cuts and rashes. They made me try it, and it worked! It was the only thing that worked on the itch and sores. Eventually I licked this! Whenever it threatens to return, I use a bit of this cream, and I nip it in the bud. <br />
Recently, I discovered some brownish/reddish patches on the back side of my arms and sort of on the under top part of my breasts. I just discovered a spot on my upper thigh of one leg. I don't know what this is. The doctor said it is some kind of fungal infection caused by friction from my skin rubbing my clothing and itself. I've tried everything, and it is not going away. Rather, the spots are getting bigger. I am discouraged. I am self conscious to wear short sleeves because others may see this and question me. "Oh no, here I go again," I think to myself.<br />
I feel so ugly. Every time I look in the mirror, and I don't purposely do this, but can't help it when I brush my teeth, I say, "I hate you. You are so fat and ugly. I hate you." I see my reflection in the window glass of a business when I walk by and I say the same thing. <br />
You see, I've been where you are, and I sometimes fall back to that place. How do I make it through? I work on my thinking. I test the thoughts against the reality of my life. I picture this ugly critic upon my shoulder, uttering terrible things in my ear. Then I think of the most violent end for that critic, and I physically remove him (or her) from my shoulder. I throw him (or her) as far away as I can, or I crush him (her). I am a shooting marksman, so I usually blast the critic to smitherines!<br />
Once the critic is gone, I then change my words to myself. I tell myself that although I am not perfect, I am working on "Me", and I know I will get better. <br />
The shame gets smaller, and the feelings of ugliness are not as strong. <br />
I reach out through reading stories on EP, and I find friends on here with whom I can talk. They are not judgmental of me, and they are a help.<br />
I encourage you to try the same. If you need help, I am here.<br />
You are a valuable person who has a lot to give others. Hang in there! You will overcome. I believe in you.