Daily....

I'm trying to lose weight, and at times it doesn't feel like it's going fast enough.
Logically I know extremes are bad ideas, but doesn't change the fact that they cross my mind, and I have no money to buy pills and such to guide this along faster.
So I'm working on dealing.
Plus I know all these thoughts are ****** up.
I want to do this the healthy way, but damn if my issues don't come to surface as I'm doing this.
Pulling at my skin, crying, continually staring in the mirror like it's going to change what I see.
My issue is with my body, not my face. Though I'm sure some would like to tell me I shouldn't like how I look facial wise, but I do.
I've had body issues since I was a child. Always been an emotional eater, and always been fat. Picked on and always alone. Shutting myself off and losing me. Wanting to just die half the time. As I got older the taunting bullshit with my weight got worse, mainly at home. my mother and her boyfriend.
I want to love myself.
But I don't know if I can do that, and still want to be healthy. Because I am working on loving myself, but then all the unhealthy ****** up thoughts come into play.
I'll figure out a way to deal with this alone. Just hard lately.
Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious
26-30, F
Dec 2, 2012