Never Ending Battle

I will always have this fight going on with myself. I just can't overcome the thoughts and feelings I have about myself. It doesn't help to hear people's thoughts about what I look like (so please don't comment). It doesn't help that I look at myself on purpose...objectively judging everything. I'm not objective anyway...I don't give enough credit to myself. I'm very hard on myself. I can't be happy with my physical appearance. I know a lot stems from my husband and his harshness in the past. I guess years of negativity creates deep cuts that only I see. It haunts me all the time.
I know Im not ugly but it doesn't stop me from feeling that way. I am afraid I will never have any other feeling about myself. It bothers me tremendously and I fight it. I will always fight it. 
soulrunher soulrunher
46-50, F
3 Responses Jan 16, 2013

I think it was one Hell of a fight for you Just coming out and sharing this. That's an excellent start to overcoming the thoughts and feelings you have. Inner and outer beauty combined is a rare find. From the outside looking in, only being able to see what you share, I would have ta agree with your friends assessments and opinions .
Uggh, negativity .. What scars it does leave. From mine I still often bleed.

Thanks for your kind words. : )

I am my own worst critic too....we women are so very hard on ourselves.......I wish we could see ourselves the way our friends see us!
I've never seen your face, Soul, but I feel your beauty.....and that's the best kind of beauty....the kind we can feel....

You are so sweet. Thanks

psssst hey Babydoll I can tell you Soulita is very cute. ;o)

Oh stop it! *blushes*

Nope!

1 More Response

Well screw that ..I am commenting...and am bloody irritated that no one else has...

Anyway..lol..sweetie...I feel the same...except I know all the reasons I feel this way. I was told most of my life I was ugly. Rejected by boys...called names...had dog bones thrown at me. People can tell me all day long I am beautiful. I do not believe it.

What does make me feel good is to get dressed....in my favorite outfits...even just to go to Target or the mall. I get dressed...do my hair...look in the mirror a few thousand times...and when I feel pretty and good...that's when I stop telling myself I'm so damn ugly. When I see it for myself...or when I feel it for myself, regardless of others. ..

Just a little tidbit ...I won't tell you you are beautiful...no need to...you should already know it. ;-)

Good job...I shall allow you to live ;-)

Aww, you guys! : ) Thanks.