I Just Needed Him...

I was always a healthy, fit young person growing up on the average size (pretty much fine for my height etc). Everything was all fine until my parents separated and then divorced puting pressure on me to step into the mother role for my siblings and be strong for my dad as it hit him the hardest when mum left.

Slowly over the initial couple of years it began to wear me down inside and I turned to cutting and food for an escape. I put on some weight but it never really bothered me... until my mother started telling me I was fat all the time and generally critising me how I looked and how I would never have a boyfriend and never have any friends until I lost weight.

This continued for a very long time until I finally had enough of it, another girl I knew had gotten anorexia and in my frame of mind i thought "if she can do it so can i". There began my love/hate relationship with food and I turned to eating 2 pieces of toast a day and maybe a muesli bar and upped my exercise regime by 80% to what I had been doing before. After the first week Id lost 5 kgs and thought "this is so easy" so there on it continued except I had to change to eating dinner as my dad was a bit funny of me skipping meals and it was the only one he would notice.... by the end of the month Id dropped a total of 15kgs and was feeling fantastic.

This continued until lots of people started commenting on the weight loss and I knew I had to slow down. I changed my diet so I was able to maintain my current weight and then thought there was no turning back. However I met this guy and after a couple of months we started going out, too big an age difference but my parents let it slide and in rolled a violent abusive alcoholic bf who constantly critised anyone slightly overweight and who began comparing me to people like Jennifer Hawkins (note Im only 5'3), so the cycle of losing weight and trying to be what he wanted and to become "perfect" started again. 10kgs later and he hadnt even noticed and was still comparing me and then would critise me for not eating so I tried to then eat with him but would run for miles later feeling guilty.

A long, long time later I managed to break from him but didnt cope and again just binge ate until Id put on 15kgs. I knew this wasnt going to work for me so I got some help from a private counseller and managed to get myself back onto a good eating and fitness regime which got me to a healthy weight which I have maintained for about 1.5 yrs.

During that time I met the guy of my dreams, he is a year younger then me but truly my soulmate. He has helped me through this tough time in my relationship with "food" as Im stuck with the idea of becoming "fat". We are now engaged and he has told me he will always be there for me and is very encouraging when I eat stuff and participates when I exercise so that I dont overdo anything and constantly tells me Im beautiful. He has been wonderful for my self image though I still occasionally wish to be thinner, I know he loves me for me and Im not so much scared of food or how I look.


I truly hope that everyone can find their special someone who can be there for them and help them reach their goals and enjoy life.

supersezabell supersezabell
22-25, F
Mar 15, 2010