I used to believe strongly in God... I was always brought up surrounded by people who did and in school we learned all about it. I never thought otherwise! This was Until my Uncle became more involved in my life. I cant blame him entirely for the loss of my faith but He did show me other paths and steer me away from God. He was is really strong NON believer and pushed for me to be the same way, and then the abuse started.i cant remember how long my faith lasted but all i know is that it was long before it snapped. I prayed and asked for guidance, but nothing came so i just 'gave up!'
For those 2-3 years i was a strong Non-believer. But now its all over, the questions have started again. I see my friends so happy and i want to be like them. I have begged 'God' For forgiveness For whatever i did to deserve everything bad in life. I Very rarely ask for anything in return, Only simple things like To keep my friends safe, No material goods. And i still cant believe in God! I pray anyway in the Hope that he is there and he can find a place in my heart. I pray and thank him even though don't believe he is there! Am i mad? My faith is in shreds and i cant find all the pieces. I want him to find me soo much, But all the pain in the world is creating a barrier. I am stuck in a place between God and the World full of pain. Its dark here, cold and confusing...so confusing... I'm lost and i need as well as want to be found.