Heaven Forbid That It Interfere With Your Perfect Life.

Think nothing of it Mel. Thanks for reading it. :)



Thank you for the comment Blimey.

*blah blah blah useless advice you don't need or want to hear blah blah blah*



This is a good step in the right direction. A big one as well. I suppose finding people who really care, I mean really care, would be difficult; especially outside of EP.



*hugs*



Thanks for sharing a piece of you.

"That does look like a cigarette burn on my arm...but it's just my uhh..."

I find myself saying that too much.



Good post, well done for opening up, it takes guts.



Ooh, P.S. as for the scars, you seem like a good guy, the scars are a part of you, part of what made you who you are, they're nothing to be ashamed of.

One can only hope.



Thanks for the comment.

Yup.

Well, you let the cork out of the bottle, and it's perfectly fine to put the cork back in if you need to. You're so right, good days and bad days. Friends understand that.

Thanks M1. I wrote this while feeling bottled up. So, I let some things out. Good days and bad days, you know?



Thanks for the comment.

I can't say I know how you feel. I don't. I would never say "I can only imagine your pain" because I can't. I can only say what I feel. This made me feel sad. I'm "just some dude" about as much as you are, Eric. There's a whole lot more to you than that. I admire your willingness to open up here and take a risk at being dismissed. I CAN say I've been dismissed, and that hurts. Yes, we're just your EPeeps here, but we do care. Thanks for opening up. You know how I feel about you.

Thanks for commenting.

I have read your story, and I can understand where you are coming from. It is the scariest thing to be close and let someone in, you are very vulunerable at all stakes. (clearly can't spell!)

I was raised by a very bitter, cold, unfeeling father who taught alll ten of us kids that feeling and emotions were weaknesses, and he would do his thing on us all to drone just that into us. I have never let anyone close to me, never expressed "heart" feelings to anyone in my life...till now, I am with a fiance, and in the beginning it was rough. No one has been close to me, I have never been in love at my age (39 years old) or any age for that matter. It took a lot of years of therapy to soften what my father did to us, it is a working progress day by day!

I can certainly understand how you are feeling, I will say I know what you are feeling, but can understand it.

I grew up with out ever opening up to anyone or even letting anyone close to me. My father raised all ten of kids that feelings and emotions were weaknesses, he would do certain practices on us to teach us never to let feelings and emotions get in the way. He would punish us all if we ever cried, or anything along those lines.

I grew up very cold and disconnected, (from the physcological crap that my father had done to me all my childhood) could not relate to feeling or emotions what so ever. It was incredibly hard to deal with, especially other people get hurt from me not being able to feel, or let them close to me. It took a lot of years of therapy to lighten some of the crap that my father did to me, I still struggle with it.

I have a fiance now, and he is shocked that at my age I have never been in love before, never been close to anyone before. He is the first person I have ever let close to me, or be in love with (I am 39 years old!) but it is still a struggle of the closeness!

So I do not know if it is the same as you, but maybe simular?

Opening up has always been hard for me. I totally respect you and your story. You opened up and that was wow. I know what you mean. You can open up on here, online, but its nothing compared to having someone close to you, or a real person to talk to and share your feelings with. Nice story.

You're welcome. :) Glad you could take something from it.

I often fear telling the truth about my life, especially the childhood **** and then where addiction really took me...your honesty is so moving. I see you with eyes of compassion, and I realize then that others may see me with those eyes, also...I begin to have compassion for myself. I, too, have scars, only a few left now, most have faded...but the scars on my heart are slower to heal. I know that healing is there for me, but I let fear control me too oftem...if fear had ever kept me safe, it would make sense, but you can't be safe and be alive at the same time. Maybe I am not so different after all...your story has given me much to think about. It has made my world a bigger place tonight. Thank you.

Judging from your comment I'd say that you didn't like what I had to say or you felt patronised. I apologise for offending you. I thought I was sharing some feelings and some of my own experience to give different perspectives from people of all walks of life which is what I thought this website was all about.



Having said that, I suppose being p*ssed off at someone elses words is part of that too. I won't infract on your experiences /feelings or ever comment on them again.

I love how when people comment they have all the answers for you. ;-)

When you say you're "just a dude"...well..we all are, just everyday people, mostly, muddling through without ever knowing if what we're doing is really "it" or not.

It's what you do for yourself and how you feel about yourself and how you go about changing the sh*tty feelings that will make a difference, or not. Up to you really. You are brave to vent out your feelings and as you say it is helping you, but in your own life, love yourself more and treat yourself how you'd like to be treated by everyone else.

I think I know what you're talking about. But until I stopped wallowing and crying about my own stuff and left the past behind I was just existing and becoming bitter.You can drown in your own history if you keep replaying it.

You don't have to pour your heart out to win new loves in your life who are genuine and care for you. In fact sometimes the least said the better and actions speak louder than words. Walk away from the people who threw you aside, they're the ones with self esteem issues, and if you don't walk away from them and expect more, then your own self esteem needs to be addressed too. I hope you find some happiness, cos this is all we got. Good luck :) Sorry for going on but I wanted to give you a different perspective ;)

And there's no such thing as a perfect life. Some people are happier than others, some are born that way, and some work at it. I am one of the latter, have to work at it, every day. No happy families in my home either. But I'm determined to make my own :)

Oh, I meant to people in real life that is. =) But thank you for sharing this on EP. You will feel worse before you feel better but being honest with yourself and open like this can only help. =)

I think I did open up a bit in the story. =/

It is hard to open up to people. People can be quite cruel and others may not have the capability to be empathetic or uncomfortable with ugly truths. I found it helps to talk about the past to resolve old wounds and realize why you react the way you do and then deciding what kind of person you would like to be. I am a firm believer in change if you apply yourself. You are not the same person you were a few years ago or the person you will be in a few years from now.



I used to be disappointed by people all the time but I realize it's finding the right people to open up to. That is why I like older people, they have lived more life experience and usually as a result are more compassionate and have picked up more life skills with dealing with someone in pain.



You will open up at your own time when you feel comfortable enough and learning to be comfortable in your own skin, I think that is a life long goal for most people. In the mean time, it's OK, you're a beautiful person in my book.

I was saying something in the same sentiment. Except it was about how some people appear to be perfect in their nice suburban homes with the white picket fences. They go through great lengths to hide but have the same issues.



I noticed how angry people get when they see other people live life out in the open. It's like they are ashamed of the other people who are showing openly to the world what these supposed perfect people are trying so hard to hide and ignore.



I often find that people's judgment and intolerance says a lot about what they are hiding within themselves.



Some people are real and make a good assessment and are helpful. But that's rare. There's more people that will poo on your life and walk away with a smile about it. Because there hidden scars go unseen... And they don't have the courage or decency to even want to hear about yours...much less confront their own.



Um...that's just my personal experience from the stink hole of "opinions" I had to hear my in life. : /