As My Problem Progresses

My problem started in 7th grade. I was in middle school, there weren't people watching your every move, my younger sister was no longer with me to tattle on me. I had basically no friends and most of all I felt like I was the fattest person in the world. I started skipping lunches, then, because everyone was out of the house before me, I"d skip breakfast too. Whenever I could I'd skip dinners, not realizing what I was doing in my ignorence. I just kept driving forward by the thought that I was so freaking fat. It just kept on continuing. By the time 8th grade came around I had friends, they told me to stop but their efforts wasted in vain. for about half a year I did eat quite a bit, I started gaining weight, my friends were finally happy with me, but I wasn't. I saw this as a sign of weakness, that summer I went back to my old ways only worse, my dad was basically never home. Not that he gave a crap about me anyways. I never returned phone calls, I isolated myself and that was it. Throughout the whole thing I thought I had no friends, one of them managed to contact me though, she wanted to hang out. We went out to eat together, she inquired why I was wearing a sweatshirt in June, I simply told her I was cold. She asked me to take it off anyways and I did. She was shocked, apparently I looked sick. I was offended, the only way I looked sick was if I was too fat. She told me I had to stop right now, I just ignored her. I should have heeded her advice but I was not going to, she got help for me instead, I had no choice. I was later admitted to the hospital at 5 foot 5 weighing 95 pounds, not horribly underweight but still. this still did not help me, I am now a sophomore in high school and I still don't have control, nor do I feel like I want it quite yet. I've only grown 2 more inches but I think I"m done growing. my weight is getting lower I just hope nobody notices. right now I"m 5 foot 7 and I weigh 103 pounds and just trying to go down about 5 to 8 pounds. I am so fat I really need to lose this weight

sugarcollie sugarcollie
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 21, 2009

Thank you for your comment, even now, it just gets worse. I can sense that and I feel powerful because of it, though it should send warning signals left and right. I still do not want to stop, as compensation for when I do eat I now throw up. I'm constantly cold but it's ok, I don't mind it most of the time. Still, nothing I try will help me lose much weight. I still stay in the 5 foot 8 around 100 pounds area, it bugs me to not be able to lose anymore.

Thank you for your comment, even now, it just gets worse. I can sense that and I feel powerful because of it, though it should send warning signals left and right. I still do not want to stop, as compensation for when I do eat I now throw up. I'm constantly cold but it's ok, I don't mind it most of the time. Still, nothing I try will help me lose much weight. I still stay in the 5 foot 8 around 100 pounds area, it bugs me to not be able to lose anymore.

Thank you for your comment, even now, it just gets worse. I can sense that and I feel powerful because of it, though it should send warning signals left and right. I still do not want to stop, as compensation for when I do eat I now throw up. I'm constantly cold but it's ok, I don't mind it most of the time. Still, nothing I try will help me lose much weight. I still stay in the 5 foot 8 around 100 pounds area, it bugs me to not be able to lose anymore.

i understand what you are going through ,<br />
i know what you mean by you can't stop ,<br />
please try to quit i know how hard it is to quit ED (i have bulimia too) but just try it please you are slightly killing yourself please take care of your self .<br />
xoxo

thank you for your words of advice. I will try to keep them in mind, I hope you are doing ok

Sugarcollie honey get some help. You are slowly commiting suicide, I spent 8 weeks at this treatment center. It's a very good place to go, and it's beautiful there but there are a lot of good people there to help you. Your controlling your weight probably because that's the only thing you feel you can control. You'll never totally disappear, but you can seriously effect your health now and it will haunt you when your older. Please get some help, even if it's to continue here for a while. You are reaching out for help, your going to be in my thoughts and prayers. Please contact someone at Remuda Ranch. www.remudaranch.com