Student-professor Relationship: The Universal Story


Ok I will try my best to keep things as clear as possible. Two years ago I started undergraduate studies at a private college. Among three other courses I had to take English classes as part of the English Foundation Program of my institution. Though I did not want to take the class into which I have been placed at the beginning (waste of time/money was the main reason), I then learned to truly appreciate it, in the end not regretting it at all. Our professor was (is!) sweet, friendly, charming, highly knowledgeable, educated, helpful, efficient, with an excellent pedagogy, in short, a great professor.
Over the course of the semester, I learned how to appreciate the subject, unconsciously at first at least, because he seemed to think that I really enjoyed the subject of Englsih and literature- to the point that recommended me to the department in the hope that I would then declare a major in comparative literature. And it was true, I always attended class, was not on tilme but came early to class when other students did not seem to care much more about their classes. Not only had I found a great subject to study, think and write about, but also found a great professor that I really got to know in the end, a pleasure to discuss and to meet with. We really got to know each other, and though the context is not necessarily prone to such type of relationship, it almost looked like a friendship. Then the semester ended and so the class. However, things started to change, beginning the next semester.
I was at a voting booth, volunteering for our senate elections when he came by, examined the table, then looked at me saying that he knows whom he had voted for if he could vote. I found it so nice, coming from a professor who is completely out of student extraccuricular life, that it sounded subjective, biased (can't find the correct word here, but hopefully you can understand what i mean).
During the following days came confusion. Ok he surely respected me and appreciated me as a studious, seriours, committed, interested student, but I thought this type of compliment really had to be heard in a conversation involving different types of individuals. Plus he was a man and I was a girl, and he really is the type of man to ponder every word he says, very smart and logical. I was confused, but not to the point to be head over heels, just slightly confused. I told myself that it was nothing, that even I could feel different towards him, that I would try to keep it unnoticed so not to trouble him and all would go as usual. However, when I met him again the following days, I felt that something was different. His look at me was deeper, and he would blush when he did. Would he have gone too far in complimenting a student? Maybe. But nevertheless something had changed. Even the conversations between us looked different.
Now two years have passed and the situation is still the same. We still speak to each other, but there is a little thing now. His look at me now is different, I spotted him several times looking at me from head to feet. I think he knows that I feel something for him. However, he is is always polite, saying hello and goodbye, never said anything rude or improper to me, quite the contrary. He is always listening to what I'm saying when I'm around him. I took another class with him in the meantime, though I got an A for it, there was still a little different things whenever we talked, but nothing got out of control, things remained completely professional and academically sound. Also, I grew out of my shell, got involved a lot in the school and therefore met a tremendous lot of people, got 'popular' in some way. I changed, I become more mature and more open, definitely mixing in with our community, which is small actually. I think he noticed that change whenever he saw me chatting with different people in school, running twice for the student government with posters all around the place, and so much more.
We do meet a lot on campus, even during the week-end at the university library when I go to study when finals & term papers approach, he is always there! He's got to be single - I also noticed that he moved a lot around in the library when I'm there, repeatedly passing by where I sit and looking at me a lot. Whenever I come where he is, his gaze automatically turns to me- Plus he works a lot, travels a lot. He used to stay very late on campus. What I feel for him is different from what I have felt for anyone so far. It is not the type of attraction I felt before for other guys, it is more oriented I daresay, more. It is surely not the type of mad love I felt years ago for my first middle high crush, writing names all over the place, feeling embarrassaed and hide whenever the guy in question turned up. not the childish type of things at all. On his side, he never seemed to feel embarrassed alone with me, quite the contrary. He wanted to talk to me, to join in. I want to talk to him a lot, I want to know him, I want to be with him, to share a lot of things with him, to see him outside of school. I would be looking to a serious and stable relationship sooner or later, along to marriage and motherhood. I don't know positively about him yet, but what I'm sure of is that I want the chance of a relationship with him. I also find him attractive physically, tall and thin, with eye color I like :), a smile etc., but I remarked this very late since I knew him.
I am 24 and he seems to be perhaps in his mid-late 40's. Should I try something, keeping it discreet or wait until my graduation? Should I/we put cards on the table. Or should get over it and move on to something else?

Any comment on this situation would definitely be appreciated.

lasvegasstrip lasvegasstrip
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 21, 2012

I am in my early thirties and dated a professor from my college for two years. She is about 40. I remember when I told one of my professors about it, he told me that it would end when she got bored with me. That is an extremely simplified version of exactly what happened.

Granted, this professor was a bi-sexual hippie with a penchant for men, women and group sex. She already had two children, and wasn't looking for more. She claimed to want marriage but I think her life was too wild to really keep a man around, at least in a real relationship. But, hey, I messed around too, especially after she moved away for a job and I had to finish my college education. We drifted apart and I realized she was never really my girlfriend, we were both just pretending. So I broke up with her, and it was messy as things can get.
We're both friend's now, and that's not bad.
She really helped me grow as a man and a lover and she gave me some of the best nights of my life.

Now she's attached to a 22 year old drug dealer/boy toy, and I wish her well. I'm going for my Masters, and I'm glad its over and I can get on with my life.

My point is this. Do it if you want. Just be prepared to hurt someone when you realize that it would never work out.

It will have to be your move b/c in his mind, if he was misinterpreting your interest, & he came on to you, he could lose his job. So he would have to be very very clear about your interest-level before he did anything. Good luck!

Hmmmm, tricky ... transparent and professionalism is important here ..
* if there is something happening that both of you want then go for it, but
* how long till graduation - will it wait?
* are you likely to have any further classes with him - no apparent conflict then?
* You like him, then go for it.

Been there and done that.