What Makes Someone A Submissive And Not A Slave?

In a lot of circles, the terms submissive and slave are used interchangeably. In others, submissive is designated as a different level of submission than a slave is. The basic distinction made in most circles is that a slave is property and a submissive is not. The submissive chooses when they submit and to whom them submit, while a slave submits completely at all times, no matter who they are submitting to.
In some circles, this is how things work. In others, there is more distinction. A submissive seeks out only casual contact. A slave seeks out ownership. To be owned, to give themselves fully to another person. To give oneself to another, allowing them to make all decisions. They have no freedoms, they have no rights. They are nothing more than a piece of property to be used at their Master or Mistress' whim.

Submissives retain their rights and freedoms. They have a say in their submission. Owned or seeking, a submissive retains their rights in the relationships they enter into. They still make their own decisions, freely and openly. They set their own limits and are only owned until they choose not to be. Some who read this will say, "but that isn't submitting." It's not hard to think this because in a lot of ways, it can be viewed that way, however, dominance and submission isn't based on rights and freedoms. The level of dominance or submission comes from other aspects of the relationship, after limits are discussed.

Either way, submissives and slaves are individuals. Each and every individual is different. Each relationship is different and how we conduct ourselves in each relationship is different. The determination of submission versus slavery is in the conduct of the relationship, For instance, one can submit sexually, while outside of the bedroom they are an equal partner in the relationship. One can submit when it comes to household chores, yet in other areas of life, they are an equal with their partner. Submission can go even further as well. If a submissive chooses to live within a relationship where the dominant controls every aspect of their life, from what they wear, to what they do during the day and how they are to do it, then it crosses from submission into slavery.

Much like in the days of southern slavery, every aspect of the submissive's life is controlled. However, unlike southern slaves, the submissive chose this lifestyle, they chose to give themselves to another. They also can choose to no longer be a slave by either ending the relationship or redefining it with their partner. A slave in the BDSM lifestyle lives in a total power exchange relationship with their Master or Mistress by their choice and their willingness to give themselves to another. Sometimes it will be said that a slave's only escape is death of their partner, but this is not really the case in a proper relationship, no matter whether it is Master and Slave or Master and Submissive.

Like any other relationship, every definition is another label given by society. It's up to the couple to define their label to suit their needs.
slavelover slavelover
4 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I have been submissive for many years but have never been in a situation where someone has said "You are now my slave"
I fantasise about this but i feel i couldn't be a long term slave but would like to try it for a weekend.
Thanks for pointing out the differences

Welll written you have expressed very well the dfferences that exsist in the D/s community and lifestyle. This should be read by anyone that is considering to enter a D/s relationship. There are many who think they are ready to become a submissive yet after entering a realtionship with a Doninant partner do try and be the dominant partner. Not fully understanding the power exchange dynamic that has to occur for a successful D/s relationship to develop and continue.

my wife like you can be either. at the moment she is going through training once more with a friend who is coming to live with us. you can have it both ways and enjoy it
Jim xxx

That is so hot. I am predominantly a top type person and enjoy taking control but have lately realized I want to be on the receiving end. I like that u said "training". It seems to be so exhilarating yet difficult to let go of all inhibitions. I secretly have desires for public humiliation. Something about that excites me in some exciting way lol I should read more of your posts ;) please share with me any suggestions! xx

Is there something for if you like dominating at times and being dominated at other times?