I Just Don't Understand Why I Do The Things I Do.

It seems no matter what I do, I always get dumped because of my stupid actions.  I don't mean like cheating, stealing or snooping.  It is more like what happen last night.  I went out with a friend of my for a few drinks, few drinks turn into a lot of drinks and I get rather drunk.  In my drunken state I decided I needed to go back to my boyfriends place because I wanted to see him right now.  Well, my friend winds up comming back with me and I just was going to put her on the couch but it was occupied by my boyfriend's room mates friend so instead I put her on teh huge sumo bean bag.  She decided to be loud while everyone was sleeping and got sick all over the bathroom (which I cleaned up)  I put her clothes in the wash since they had puke all over them and some how a shoe in the dryer.  Well, I put her to bed and go to bed with my boyfriend, who is now up and fuming at me.  He had tobe at work by seven and for some reason didn't go to bed until midnight, though I did not get in till 4 AM.  I pass out and he goes to work a few hours later.  The roommates are pissed and are complaining to him.  I rather wish they talked to me instead of complaining to him but not much I can do about it.  He is even more pissed off, saying now that I need to leave his key on the desk and that I betrayed his trust.  I agree to leave the key but I told him i felt as though he was being a bit unfair.  I mean I have delt with him more times with him plastered drunk doing really dumb things than he has with me and his roommates are always up being loud when he is trying to sleep, making a mess that he winds up cleaning himself.  I did apologize because it was not right of me just have her over without being invited by them but she was a friend i knew  for a while so it was not like she was a complete stranger and this was the first (and last) time I have ever done something like that.  I think about all the times he has betrayed my trust by telling people things that were only our personal affair but I never but him through this much hell for it.    I have a feeling that we are going tobreak up but I am not entirely sure if its a bad thing.  I mean thinking about it makes my stomach turn but I don't want tobe drag through the mud every time i make a mistake.  I just dont understand.

aprettymess aprettymess
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 7, 2010

You just need to find someone that will unconditionally love and care for you. I have a similar issue. The girl of my dreams and I had been talking via text message for six months during which we confessed our love for eachother. We decided to not do anything about it until her friend, that also had feelings for me, stopped so that we could keep all of our friendships. I finally asked her out, we dated for a week and a half.<br />
We had agreed at the beginning that if anything was wrong, then we would let the other person know and resolve the issue. She approached me and we went for a walk. She said that if we were to remain friends, then we shouldn't go out anymore. Her friends informed me that the problem was that I hadn't taken her on enough dates. So I tried to work things out. We were both at the same party and I was sitting beside her, hoping to get back together with her. Meanwhile, there was another younger boy flirting, quite obviously with her, and after a while, he reached out and grasped her hand. She did not pull away, but merely continued to talk with him. So, feeling a little awkward in the situation, I walked away to rejoin with my other friends for five minutes before leaving. The audacity that this kid showed, though I later found out that she had no feelings for him whatsoever, was outstanding and I can't help but feel that if I had shown a little more affection, then I could've made things work a little better.<br />
This experience was the inspiration for my song "Baby"<br />
Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4