Its Something to Live With

my first one hit me around 15 i think, and i, like everyone else, thought i was dying.  it was horrible, and i thought i was way too young to have a heart attack and i was pretty stressed and have always been depressed (or for a good portion of my life).  i gripped my heart and got on the floor i was by myself, after i laid there for a bit the pain passed.  all the symptoms were like a panic attack, i don't think i need to list all of them. 

i think senior year was the biggest pan in the face.  the attacks and anxiety was crippling. i remember specifically on valentines day, my long time ex that i still wasn't over  had been ignoring me all year and wouldn't say a single word to me, and i heard that he was making out with some blond on the stairs,i got home and my anxiety caught up with me so i cried curled up and miserable and stuck it out. i got this shooting pain up my neck and arm.  first time that ever happened.

3 years later or so, i started college and took a psych class that talked about panic attacks, anxiety, and depression in one of the sections.  i learned that the usual duration of a panic attack is 20 minutes, so i learned if i just stuck it through my attack that it'd eventually go away. i wasn't going to die, the world wasn't ending, i still mattered, the usual worthlessness ideas started to go away because i knew i was going to survive the panic attack.  after having enough panic attacks i knew the pain wasn't a heart attack or heart burn, so i knew i'd live

i got really into cognitive behavioral therapy in that class, so i'm trying to figure out how to change the way i interpret stress, and so far it seems to be working. i haven't had but one full on panic attack in the last 2 years.  and the last one wasn't so bad because i think i'm learning that it isn't so bad, its not nearly as bad as the anxiety ridden mind makes it seem.

sometimes i feel a panic attack coming on, and i take a few deep breaths and tell myself i'm stressed out and freaking out, and sometimes just acknowledging it helps me calm down.  sometimes i feel the chest pain that comes with it, and the pain in my neck or in my arm.  its a weird sensation, in the neck, it feels like someone's choking me from the inside, but i can still breathe. 

the part i haven't figured out how to get over, without medication that is, is the chest pains and the pains in my neck and arm.  so i live with those almost every time i stress. sometimes if i just feel strongly about something i get chest pains, but no panic attacks!  its good news. 

i don't take medication, i think panic attacks can be overcome if you take initiative to combat it the right way.  i'm not a doctor hell if i know anything for sure, it works for me.  i would probably do good on medication to reduce the anxiety and depression. i think if people were more informed about control over themselves, and panic attacks specifically, it'd be good for them.