Anorexia Funking Hurts Sometimes

i cant take this anymore!!! im anorexic, because i cant stand how ****** fat i am. i want to loose like 15-20lbs (im 84lbs, i want to be 70-75). but i cant stand the pain!!! i woke up today so weak, and dizzy and awful!!! so i had to eat breakfast, and it didnt stop!!!!! i hate food, i hate the thought of eating anything!!! but it hurt so much!!! i wanted to make it stop--NEEDED it to stop. so i ate more, and im okay now, but its just so hard. at times i just want to give up, but i cant. i keep comeing back because im so funking fat. and now i feel like crying because i ate so much. im going to try some more tricks, and im NOT NOT NOT going to give up! i just wanted to write down what im feeling--thats what EP is for right? so i dont want to come back on tomorrow and see coments about how i need help and all--YOU DONT FUNKING KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE. so if you have nothing helpful to say dont say anything at all.
shitwhatnow shitwhatnow
13-15, F
3 Responses Dec 2, 2012

I definetley feel your pain! I feel so trapped.

Hey sounds like you need someone message me and we can chat

I completely understand. I know that I feel disgusting all the time, and I don't want to eat.. but then I do eat because im hungry or bored or something stupid and it makes me want to puke it up.. so I cry and cry, I used to self harm.. but it isn't right. I know no matter what anyone says you will not believe that your not fat or that your wrong. I know that because that's exactly how I am, all the time. It stinks, but you just have to keep your mind off of it. off the pain of how badly you feel about yourself, don't self harm, don't not eat. maybe eat but eat only a little and then run. Just cry and run or something other than crying and hating on yourself. I still do all of that, so im just giving you my advice, and telling you what ive been trying to do. if you cant help but cry, then cry and run, like I said... just trying to be helpful.