Before and Again

the summer before i entered the eighth grade i decided i needed to make myself perfect for a guy. he and i had a history, but it all ended when my super skinny friend stabbed me in the back and he went after her instead... i felt like i had to become skinnier than her... it became an obsession. i didn't eat anything substantial for two months, i was 5'5" and only 78 lbs. it was quite frankly disgusting. a camp councelor asked me to go with them to a clnic and i got myself some help and was back to a healthier weight by september and school, noone ever knew. my clueless parents never even noticed. idiots. and now i'm going into my sophmore year of high school. and i feel as though i'm getting back to that place. i don't really know why. but i just don't have an appetite for things that i crave. i want a chocolate chip cookie, so i buy one, and then when i go to put it in my mouth, i just feel sick to my stomach, and i throw it out, and i feel so much better abotu myself... i want help. i want someone to understand
maiaxxstar maiaxxstar
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 27, 2007

i understand completly, i really want to eat and get myself back on track, but i just feel really bad if i do, and throw it back up again, try and eat something small for every meal, thats the advice i got given and then slowly build up what you ear, thats what im tryin to do =) x

I understand the OTHER side of that story - I eat to squash my depression.... I have often thought about making myself throw up after eating, but I just can't do it....