Having Problems

I feel so gross when I eat anything, and when I do I have to throw it up, otherwise I feel like I am going to blow up or something. I feel trapped in a never ending circle. My parents don't care at all. They're trying to kick me out of the house despite my being 16 years old. I'm constantly cold. it was 85 degrees today and I was still wearing a sweat shirt. Why am I always so cold? It's hard to get out of bed and then go to swim practice. I feel like I'm drowning when I swim now. when I go for runs my knees hurt really bad from the impact. Sometimes I pass out in random places. I hate myself more than anything, I hate doing this to my self but I also live for it. I hate the fact that I stand at 5 foot 8 and weigh 105. I like the feeling of emptiness in my stomach. I hate the fat that is everywhere. but I love the feeling of power when my stomach is empty.

sugarcollie sugarcollie
22-25, F
11 Responses Jul 17, 2009

dont feel bad, dont feel discusting or gross at what your doing. because so many people wish they could be as strong as you. you should get up on that scale and smile when you see that you lost a pound or so. im sorry about your parents, even though i would do anything to have parents that didnt care if i ate or not. though if you really cant stand what you have become, take the car, and drive to the nearest anorexia-recovery centers, and ask them to admit you, or you could call them up. but if i were you, i would be the happiest girl ever.

I'm 20 now, and while I've matured, I still suffer daily. Only now after a tour in Afghanistan which greatly aggravated the eating disorder. Strange how life brings me in circles.

It truely makes me sad to read these posts. I feel I have matured tremendously in the past 2 years. Somewhere along the line, I lost my way. I do know that it's a long way on the path to recovery but admitting I have a problem is a huge step.

I am in the same position, don't worry you are not alone. I relate to most of your problems. I stand at 5'5 and weigh 92 pounds (6 stone 8 pounds) my parents are now forcing me to put on weight which I HATE. I feel so fat and sick after meals. I am sure your parents really do care. If you ever need a chat i'm here, although I'm probably not really one to give advice as i'm going through the same thing, but if it would help to vent or talk to someone who understands, im here :)

Your Cold Becuase You Don't Eat, The Food Releases Energy Which Makes You Warm, Latetly I Havn't Been Eating & I Really Want To Make Myself Sick When I Give In, But I Can;t, I Just Gag But Nothing Comes Up It Just Hurts :

I live in the Northwest, this contributes to the cold factor. I do hate this, but I also hate it as well..

Thanks for commenting, it's nice to know somebody reads this. I know what you mean. I feel like I'll never be thin enough, but that makes me try that much harder.

hey sugarcollie.<br />
im in the same position as you, and i wanna say thanks for sharing your story bc i feel better knowing im not the only one. What you said about feeling so powerful when you can feel the emptiness in your stomach -- i totally agree. ive heard it all when it comes to how "bad anorexia/bulimia is for your body" but its like that is completely overtaken by my need to be skinnier. When i pass out i feel satisfied like i starved myself sufficiently for that day. And i dont wanna get help bc im not thin enough to be able to do that for myself. I know this all sounds stupid to someone who doesnt have to deal with this disorder but i thought id let you know im here if you need to talk to someone like you. <br />
keep hoping, things can get better.<br />

thanks, but I don't think I"m ready for help, nor do I deserve it

Paco is right. You can't do this alone. Let someone help you. Don't think about whether or not you "feel" like getting help. At first, the help will feel strange, unnatural, and even scary. Just continue to do it. <br />

I've had Anorexia and Bulemia for three yrs now Mimi is correct on all counts. I'm an odd ball because I'm male and a lot older. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. Get some help before you do any permanent damage to your body and mind. Paco

I'm sorry you feel your parents don't care, but we do. Please talk to someone about this. A Medical professional can help you. Anorexia is very dangerous. <br />
<br />
You are cold because you are underweight and your body and brain need fat to survive. <br />
You are in my thoughts. <br />