Spiders Are Scary. It's Ok To Be Afraid Of Them.

I have had a lifelong fear of spiders for as long as I can remember. I don't know if it stems from some kind of traumatic spider experience as a little girl, or if I've just always had the deep primal knowledge that spiders ar scary and I should definitely be afraid of them.

It doesn't matter if they are big or small, I am afraid of them. I don't like spider pictures. I definitely don't like spider webs and god help you if you're in the way when I walk into a web, my spazzed out dance afterwards is both flailing and violent. That line, "They're more afraid of you then you are of them" is just straight up crap - they are horrible, nasty creatures that I will vehemently say they shouldn't exist no matter what explanation of ecosystem balance you try and give me.

I found this blog about two years ago and her take on spider-fear so exactly captures my experiences that I wish I could have it put on a tee shirt - I can't post the link, but it's Hyperbole And A Half, "Spiders are scary, it's ok to be afraid of them".

I can't kill them, I'm too scared to get that close. It's like every particle of my being narrows down to focus in on the beastly eight-legged nightmare in front of me. I can honestly say that some days it feels like I got married just so I could always have someone duty-bound to squish these monsters for me for the rest of my life. When hubby isn't home, I can sometimes manage to put bowls, or pots on top of the spider and then stack books on top of that to thoroughly prevent escape. My husband went away for work for a week and, I kid you not, I had left about 12 bowls throughout the house for him. I once saw I spider crawl out of the heat vent in our master ensuite bathroom and I didn't use that bathroom for a week, I had shut the door, stuffed a towel in the crack at the bottom and closed every single vent in the house, until my hubby got home later that week and then we couldn't find the spider and even now, two years later, I'm sure it's somewhere lying in wait for me.

When I was in my early 20's my roommate and I were both terribly afraid of spiders together, although she would sometimes be brave enough to kill them, usually with a warrior-princess cry as she swung a shoe or a book at it like she was Thor and that was her hammer. Or we'd vacuum them up and then take turns spending hours holding the hose up into the air, with the vacuum running, to prevent the spiders' escape.

I think I have unfortunately taught my stepson to fear them, as I have been his stepmommy since he was 6 and he's now 12, and has lived with us full-time that whole time, thus upping his exposure to my spider-fueled-fear-madness.

I remember one evening, about 6 years ago, in our old spider filled rental home, while hubby was working the night shift, the boy and I were at home alone and he came running into the living room saying, "I looked at my floor when I was doing legos and there's a big spider and I can't be in my room!" he looked so wide-eyed with fear at his close encounter with the terrifying kind that I felt as if I just HAD to protect him and squish the crap out of the monster.... Until I took one tentative step into his room and saw the thick, brown legs of the hulking, nasty wolf spider next to one of the legs on his little bed. I turned to the boy and said that we were going to have to call the landlord to come help us (we lived in the upper half of the house and the landlord lived downstairs and frequently had been called upon by me to kill spiders while my hubby was out). The landlord answered his phone to say he was visiting a friend a few blocks away, but said he'd run back to help (he knew that spiders in that house were giants and he also knew I wasn't playing for attention, I really hated them). So the boy and I hung out in the hallway, watching the door to his room to make sure the beast didn't come out, and just when I was thinking that the boy was going to have to sleep in the den for the rest of his life because the spider made his room uninhabitable the landlord arrived and marched straight into the boys room to squish the intruder. We waited anxiously outside the door when, suddenly, we heard laughing, he came out chuckling with THE CREATURE IN HIS HAND (I swear my stomach shriveled at the sight) and said, "this spider is already dead". I stared at him and couldn't think of anything to say, when the boy piped up, "that's because I sat on him by accident" ... So the brave landlord threw the carcas in the toilet and left amid my thank you's and the boys giggles at how his butt was a mighty killer, and we gained a new family story of the night we were terrified of the dead spider.... Although, honestly, even dead I NEVER would have touched the creature...

So yes, bottom line spiders are scary. Terrifying. Horrifying. And it is ok to be afraid of them... Bees too, but that's another story :)
Bigbadollie Bigbadollie
26-30, F
Jan 12, 2013