How It Was, How It Is, How It Will Be

Nothing is ever easy, if it is you're probably doing it wrong. My parents split when I was 8. It's more like my dad couldn't handle my moms crazy crap anymore. She used me for as long as she could to get back at my dad, bringing him into court to raise child support. She even went as far as to tell protective services that my step brother was molesting me (we are 2months and 1 day apart). Just to be an evil person. Karma has a lot of fun with her :) When I was 13 she had my little sister, I couldn't stand her dad. What kind of **** wakes his girlfriends kids up at 5:30 on a sat. to scream at them? At one point I was grounded for 2 years because I didn't clean the bathroom right, I don't to this day understand how someone can clean a bathroom 3 times and it still not be clean. They never did tell me what I wasn't doing right. They also wouldn't tell us how long we were grounded and the rule was if you ask you are grounded longer. I was grounded so they didn't have to find a sitter, wonderful mom huh. We ( me. my bro, and his 2, s and d). were all playing smeer the queer ( sorry I didn't name the game). I didn't even come close to S, I knew she would lie to get me in trouble. What do ya know! She got me in trouble, for I have no clue what. As I stood by the door getting yelled at by mom bf she just sat there, letting him be mean and unable to defend myself. The last straw was when he said " You belong in a mental instution with you father" My mom just sat there like he was right or she didn't hear him ( she heard him he was screaming), just sat there! I took off, gone! I ran thru the woods, across the river, to a friends house. I called my dad. He got custody of me. My mom called that night ( he made me let her know where I was) She tried to convince me to come "home" Telling me that my dad is not my dad did not work out very well for her. She didn't like having to take care of her own kid, she needed her sitter back. She would say the meanist things about my dad and step mom, trying to get me to hate them, talk about backfire. She did eventually get me to move back in with her. She promised to let me move in with her rich friend to a place where no one knew me, hell yeah!! Never happened. I ended up watching her 2 babies ( she had another by another ****). I quit regular school and started at a bad kid school down the road from our house. I went from being perfectly happy to miserable beacuse she is such a good liar. I would disappear for a few days at a time to make up for all the stuff she wouldn't let me do, gotta get out sometime right. I ended up quitting that school too. I got a job and moved out. My first night gone, she didn't realize I wasn't coming back. She called my boyfriends house and told us she was callin the cops if I wasn't home in a half hour. We laughed at her. I had already gotten ahold of them. Nothing she could do, HAHA! I was 17, I worked at a potato farm, sorting. My boyfriend worked on other girls while I was at work. I found out and went off!! I had all my poo in one trip and was gone. I moved in with my ex and his parents, until I got arrested for possesition on marajuana from 3 months prior. That guy was bad news! I ended up living back with my dad. 3 months after I moved my bf (B) and I broke up and I ended up pregnant. I got a better job working at a home within walkin distance. I did good for a long time. I ended up getting back with B and moving into one of his parents rentals with him. We were bad, really bad. We were on and off till about 4 years ago. So, I have a 10 year old that has a dead beat dad, a 3 yr old that loves his dad (B) very much, and a 3yr old that also has a dead beat dad. B took responsibility for all 3 ( never said he wasn't a good guy). I've been in several fist fights with my youngests dad, he used to wait and call the cops while I was at work so they would go there and I would end up losing hrs. Not such a good Idea on his part, I supported him and his other 2 kids. We were together for 2 years before I was done with his crap and moved out. I started seeing my boyfriend in jan of last year (2010) we do pretty good, I've been to the point that if I had the dollas I would have moved that day and never looked back. People seem to think I'm wonder woman and that I can do it all. I'm sorry but If my wrist looks like it has a softball in it I probably can't do dishes and laundry that day. I skipped a lot here. But the point is made. I suffer, every day form the past, the present and most of all the future. The future is scary, I am 29 years old and all of the bad things that have happened have nothing on what is gonna happen. I have been diagnosed with RA for 8 years, fibro 6 years. The future holds more pain, mental and psycial. I also have no idea how long it will be before my joint's start to deform , my pinki toes are already turned in and the knuckles of my pointer and middle fingers of my left ( fortunatly, I'm a righty) hand are deforming, they have been pretty bad for a few years. And I may be going in for my first surgery beacuse of the crap soon. NOTHING IS EVER EASY!! It all rides on how strong you are. I look at life and say bring it on, it can't get any worse.
becka29 becka29
26-30, F
Oct 4, 2011