It Is What It Is

I ventured out to the grocery store yesterday. Leaning over the buggy is suppose to ease the pressure on the back. I made it to the back for milk before it started. The spasms and drawing in the back legs and feet, OMG 
When I finally got to my car and got in the pain in my body was screaming, I was so embarrassed, angry etc...
I pulled away to get to the back of the lot so not to be seen. Of course I wasn't able to drive at that point, but I cried so hard in that parking lot, Because you know what it is not gonna change, the medication is helping but it will never go away.
Today my legs just give way, walking is very painful, sitting, every thing.
But yesterday in that car, I cried and prayed, I don't want to know why, I just want to know how. So now finally I will say I am sick inside, my bones have decided to move and become deformed, the nerves are pressed to make screaming pain, but here I am this is my life.
I can no longer run when someone needs me, but I can listen and try to help with any wisdom I can.
The thing is I am still here, so as long as I have breathe in my body I will praise God and lift up in prayer.
I don't want to become angry and bitter, I need to learn to accept and make this life with memories too.
Just saying..... 
mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
2 Responses May 8, 2012

your courage is inspirational!

I can't handle shopping anymore. Grocery day would just wipe me out for the weekend. My market finally developed online shopping and I've been taking advantage of that. I do 99% of all my shopping online now. hopefully something like that will come to your local market soon.

that would be so nice, yea not in the backwoods yet. I am glad you have that. I know any outside of your safety net is sometimes to much to bear. Hope you are having a good day.