I Just Want To Be A Normal Teenager

I have had chronic pain for a little over two years now. Eevery time the pain strikes I think, I think about the pain and how I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I can't. It's unbarable. I can't seem to control or manage the pain. I'll just be sitting in class and the next thing I know I'm trying to keep myself from screaming bloody murder. I don't even understand how I am alive. I feel like I should be dead after what happened. I try to look at it as though I have been blessed with a burden. The only way I can describe it was that it was a maricle. On Febuary 15th, 2011 approximatley 1:32pm I was at my locker going to grab my 7th period binder. I had a lower locker so I got trampled a lot. Well, as I go to open my locker a sharp stabbing pain striked rigth between my shoulder and neck. I turned around to see her....the one...... the one who had stabbed me...... the one who changed my life. I quickly throw my head backwards to look at the clock. 1:32pm if I remember right. Then I swipe my hand across my neck and left shoulder. No blood. I quickly hurry off to class and the after the bell rang I ran franticlly to the bathroom. No blood. No mark. Nothing. I started coming up with these crazy thoughts like I was just like the girl in lovley bones. I died, I just didn't know it. I never understood why or even how I wasn't gishing out blood. It felt exactly like a knife. When I got home I even got out a knife and started poking one to see how it felt. It felt just like a kitchen kife. The only logic that I could seem to come to was she wrapped it up in a towel and stabbed me with it. A pencil would be too little. A conner of a binder would be too dull. Nothing else made sense but a kinfe. About a year latter I was diagnosed with chronic pain. It's been unbarable ever since. I still remember when I got the news. It seemed like it was just yeasterday, sitting there drowned in tears. I want to be a normal teenager who lives pain free. Who doesn't have to control themselves from screaming bloody murder pain in class. I want to be able to carry my back pack on both shoulders with out tearing up. I want to wear a sports bra without being in agonizing pain. I want to wear a regular bra and not have to worry about buying a speacial kind or making my own. I want to run without hurting. I want to lift weights with out hurting. And most of all I want someone who I can relate to. Someone who was intentionally hurt that is around my age dealing with agonizing pain every day, every hour, every minute, every second.
NicolePear NicolePear
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 13, 2013

Im so sorry that you had to go through this. I can relate to how hard it is being young and having your life drastically changed forever by pain. something that you cant control, and something that you dont deserve and cant change. if you ever wanna talk, hit me up