Its Slowly Ruining My Life

hi guys im new on experience project i joined because i saw this group  :) . i only learned about the name of this illness recently its good to finally know what it is ive been suffering from since ive been about 3 years old. thing is ive got a levels and i stress a lot (more than normal) i have days where i just give up on everything and thats when my daydreaming takes over. it wastes a lot of time - time i dont have. if i dont get good a levels not only will i not go to uni but i will have severely let my family down. thing is we have serious financial problems and my parents are lets just say theyre unwell (im sorry about being vague) and cant work and whats worse is that my younger siblings both suffer from learning difficulties/autism (a bit of both)- its not severe autism but severe learning difficulties-one of my younger siblings is extremely behind for his age and thee other is less behind but only just. i feel like im my family's only hope. if anything happens to my parents god forbid im going to have to look after my siblings(seen as we have no close enough family members or friends- with the exception of my nan but she and my parents are not always on good terms) so i need a good job to keep us secure. but any little thing affects me and sets my daydreaming off, and im running out of time for my revision. what mostly triggers my day dreaming is the fights i have with my family, as you can imagine my siblings are very hard to control and revision requires peace and quiet - so we argue and my siblings they swear at us and hit us and we are aware of their condition and that they must be treated really well but their hits are painful and their swearing really upsets us and unfortunately i have shouted at them in the past and the guilt makes me go off daydreaming. please dont judge me for shouting at them i always apologise in the end and try to steer away from them so as not to bother them, but my parents cant control them so i have to step in to separate my siblings from fighting eachother (for e.g.) . the thing is maladaptive daydreaming is not an option any more i have to control it for my family's sake at least until my a levels are finished. please someone help me ive had this problem for a long time and as my siblings get older our lives become more difficult - their speech is also not befitting of their age which i know is part of their condition but sometimes it makes m feel guilty for studying when i should be with them trying to teach them so they dont get bullied or teased? please help im actually desperate - im actually close to tears as im even writing this, thanks for even taking the time to read this extremely long story.
yala44 yala44
18-21
1 Response May 16, 2012

I'm exactly like you! My parents both work abroad leaving me to be responsible for my younger brothers. They're not that younger than me so it's not as hard as you but they can get on my nerves and I just crack! Anything that stresses my out I find myself daydreaming and I'm happy to stay there but now it's gotten to the point where someone could be talking to me and I would just go off! I hate the fact that I can't control it and feel like I'm missing out on good conversations with my friends. I don't have that many friends cos Id rather har close friends than just a massive group of friends. It's gotten worse over the last year and I think it's because of my A levels and I feel like I have to do good and go to uni otherwise I'll be a loser just like my sisters and it's not what I want to be. I try and do my work but it takes me hours cos I constantly find myself daydreaming and it takes a lot to snap out of it. I literally frustrate myself cos all I want to do is get good grades and get into any uni I don't even care what uni I go to anymore. My excessive daydreaming is bringing me down and it's actually really making me depressed. I want to be able to control it and not daze in and out, it's mentally exhausting. I too feel like crying but I'm happy that I'm not the only one out there with an over active imagination :)