...and It's The Reason For Social AnxietyIt's hard to talk about a disorder that I didn't know existed until now, but I have had all my life. It has always just been apart of me, or who I am. I can't remember a time when I didn't excessively daydream. When I was little, my parents were too busy to spend time with me. I constantly when from babysitter to babysitter. All of which didn't care to pay much attention to me either. So I had to entertain myself. I used my imagination to create new worlds, to escape reality and to be happier than I usually was. I daydreamed about flying, running around in a big garden or being a princess.
My daydreams became more personal as I got older. I began constructing intricate plots and stories to my daydreams that I repeated again and again until I thought of more scenarios. Then, I began to add celebrities to my day dreams. That's when my imagination began to sky rocket! I lost myself in my mind and I could daydream all day. My life only served to provide scenarios for my daydreams. It wasn't good. I never obsess over the celebrity, just the one I invented in my mind.
I began to become addicted to my perfect life. I was smart, wealthy and was dating the celebrity of my dreams, whoever that was at the time. It kept me from interacting with anyone and I began to dread going out. I always locked myself in my room, shut the lights off, found a picture of my favorite celebrity, played music and daydreamed for hours and hours. Usually, all I need is a picture of a celebrity and my imagination sky rockets. I stare at it for hours and create worlds around it. When I'm not looking at a picture, my imagination is even stronger, but I couldn't be around people.
The daydreaming isolated me and I developed social anxiety. It destroyed me for about a year, keeping me from doing anything. If it wasn't for my mother pushing me, and my constant prayers, I wouldn't be where I am. I asked God for help, and he came for me. My anxiety is gone, but the daydreaming will always be apart of me. I see it creeping back time and time again. MD makes me who I am, and it can mean creativity and genius or it could spell out disaster. Thank you for reading this really long passage about my life!
seungwon 16-17, F 3 Responses 2 Oct 27, 2012