...and It's The Reason For Social Anxiety

It's hard to talk about a disorder that I didn't know existed until now, but I have had all my life. It has always just been apart of me, or who I am. I can't remember a time when I didn't excessively daydream. When I was little, my parents were too busy to spend time with me. I constantly when from babysitter to babysitter. All of which didn't care to pay much attention to me either. So I had to entertain myself. I used my imagination to create new worlds, to escape reality and to be happier than I usually was. I daydreamed about flying, running around in a big garden or being a princess.
My daydreams became more personal as I got older. I began constructing intricate plots and stories to my daydreams that I repeated again and again until I thought of more scenarios. Then, I began to add celebrities to my day dreams. That's when my imagination began to sky rocket! I lost myself in my mind and I could daydream all day. My life only served to provide scenarios for my daydreams. It wasn't good. I never obsess over the celebrity, just the one I invented in my mind.
I began to become addicted to my perfect life. I was smart, wealthy and was dating the celebrity of my dreams, whoever that was at the time. It kept me from interacting with anyone and I began to dread going out. I always locked myself in my room, shut the lights off, found a picture of my favorite celebrity, played music and daydreamed for hours and hours. Usually, all I need is a picture of a celebrity and my imagination sky rockets. I stare at it for hours and create worlds around it. When I'm not looking at a picture, my imagination is even stronger, but I couldn't be around people.
The daydreaming isolated me and I developed social anxiety. It destroyed me for about a year, keeping me from doing anything. If it wasn't for my mother pushing me, and my constant prayers, I wouldn't be where I am. I asked God for help, and he came for me. My anxiety is gone, but the daydreaming will always be apart of me. I see it creeping back time and time again. MD makes me who I am, and it can mean creativity andĀ geniusĀ  or it could spell out disaster. Thank you for reading this really long passage about my life!
seungwon seungwon
18-21, F
3 Responses Oct 27, 2012

I think I have had this all my life. I always knew I was different but had never heard of anyone doing what I do. When I was little I would ride my bike or jump on the trampoline in this imaginary world. Sometimes I would talk to myself. I have to be doing a repetitive physical movement when I am doing it and I often listen to music in order to be able to dream even deeper. I have a need to be alone so I can be in "my world" My kids catch me talking to myself or jumping around the house and make fun of me....They have just accepted it though ....Does anyone else do the physical thing like I do? one good thing is I am in very good physical shape for my age! LOL

Yes, I have this same disorder. I use to skip around the house or run around the house while listening to music and daydream. I stop doing that but I still do it while I listen to loud music. now i enjoy daydreaming while i'm driving...

I also suffer from MD and right now it is messing me up a little bit. I have had this since i was about 13 and I'm 24 years old. I think MD saved my life in high school I was so desperate and sad at times but just sitting in my room listening to my ipod and dream. It's hard to get motivated with MD.

=) I like the ending, I just wish it was, happily ever after. But don't we all! If you could take the daydreaming and turn it into a creative source for writing or art, that would be great. OR possibly make everything worse... hmmm, my advice might not be any good, but I hope you find strength in your weakness.