I Just Want This To Stop
I am so happy I found this group. I seriously thought I was nuts and was the only person in the world who had this (didn't even know what it was called). My MD started many many many years ago probably when I was about 9 years old (I am 26 now). IT JUST STARTED I don't know why but one day it just hit me. This is so embarrassing and I have NEVER told anyone not even my husband about this. Ok here goes........Backstreet Boys. I would day dream that they came over to my house and got home from school and there they were! In my day dreams I was so awesome and loved by celebs and musicians.... pretty much everyone. Then as I got older the MD just got more and more intense and vivid. I would do this everywhere and anywhere. Movies and music are what triggers my MD. I went from having famous parents to famous best friends and boyfriends/husbands. When I was younger it was ok for ME to be a part of my day dreams but for a long time now I have created someone else in my mind. A girl who is my age super famous, actress and in a band, rich, beautiful, good heart, and build on this character daily. Whoever I like (celebs or musicians) at the time they are her friends. They love her. I guess I dont see myself as really any of these things so it's a lot easier to use her as my character. Some of the things that happen in my real life kind of add to the scenario in my day dreams. I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and so did my MD character. I feel like I do have a problem though because since my MD is so vivid and today I did a little test on myself to see how many times I would start day dreaming and I lost count. Everything nowadays triggers me. I feel like it is taking over my life because I want my fantasies to be real so badly..... lets face it....it is awesome when you can make anyone and anything come alive in your mind. I have a great REAL life and I feel like I am wasting it because of these day dreams. I have two healthy, beautiful kids a great husband, but in my MDD's my character is who I want to be and then once I am done with the daydreams it is back to reality. I feel depressed and guilty at the same time. The real problem is I just have to stop this already but I have been doing it for so long that I don't know how to.