I Just Want This To Stop

I am so happy I found this group. I seriously thought I was nuts and was the only person in the world who had this (didn't even know what it was called). My MD started many many many years ago probably when I was about 9 years old (I am 26 now). IT JUST STARTED I don't know why but one day it just hit me. This is so embarrassing and I have NEVER told anyone not even my husband about this. Ok here goes........Backstreet Boys. I would day dream that they came over to my house and got home from school and there they were! In my day dreams I was so awesome and loved by celebs and musicians.... pretty much everyone. Then as I got older the MD just got more and more intense and vivid. I would do this everywhere and anywhere. Movies and music are what triggers my MD. I went from having famous parents to famous best friends and boyfriends/husbands. When I was younger it was ok for ME to be a part of my day dreams but for a long time now I have created someone else in my mind. A girl who is my age super famous, actress and in a band, rich, beautiful, good heart, and build on this character daily. Whoever I like (celebs or musicians) at the time they are her friends. They love her. I guess I dont see myself as really any of these things so it's a lot easier to use her as my character. Some of the things that happen in my real life kind of add to the scenario in my day dreams. I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and so did my MD character. I feel like I do have a problem though because since my MD is so vivid and today I did a little test on myself to see how many times I would start day dreaming and I lost count. Everything nowadays triggers me. I feel like it is taking over my life because I want my fantasies to be real so badly..... lets face it....it is awesome when you can make anyone and anything come alive in your mind. I have a great REAL life and I feel like I am wasting it because of these day dreams. I have two healthy, beautiful kids a great husband, but in my MDD's my character is who I want to be and then once I am done with the daydreams it is back to reality. I feel depressed and guilty at the same time. The real problem is I just have to stop this already but I have been doing it for so long that I don't know how to.
Lt26 Lt26
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

I wish nothing but the best for you after reading this. You aren't the only one. However, you mentioned that you have focused your stories on someone who is entirely not you? I don't recall a time where any of mine haven't been me...many were supposed to be me but with a different name and background ... in my early teens, I would imagine being one of three me's (triplets). I think that is as close to dreaming about someone else rather than myself that I have reached so far. I absolutely understand and appreciate your not wanting to tell your family. I couldn't fathom doing so, myself. Anyway...I appreciate your situation. If you thought you were alone before in this, you definitely aren't now. I'm still floored that there are others like me on this....never thought I'd live to see the day.