Is MDD A Bad Thing !!?

Well ,I never thought this even existed .I thought it was normal because I actually never took the time to "really see it ". From what I researched it may be cause do to a drama that you had in your life and I think thats how I started . My dad died when I was 4 years old and I was even hospitalised because I got ill all of the sudden the doctors didnt figured it out I guess it was like depression something like that but while I was at the hospital for 2 weeks I had to hold my mums hand 24/7 for the whole time that I was there ,she couldnt even go to work and my nanny had to come for her to go and have her food.I guess I was so afraid to loose her too .
I always remenber of daydreaming .Its always different everyday it depends of what I see . In real life ,people that I talk to , movies , or my own imagination and then I just make it a big scenario in my mind .Its crazy but it kinda makes me happy . From the reasearch that I did its a form of escapism ,and probably it is as I dont find my real life interesting at all .

I dont find my MDD too bad as It doesnt really affect my daily life ,sometimes I might be talking to friends and my mind kinda want to go away and wants to start daydreaming but I make myself stop usually this happens when what im doing is not interesting .

I get trigger by music and sometimes I dont even need it but it makes much better for me .I tend to walk fast or run up and down the room ,If im sitting down I rock myself backwards and forwards sometimes im so focused and so excited about, that I find myself doing this crazy jumps and thats when I kinda "wake up " . I make face expressions depending on my emotions and I find myself crying and smiling and sometimes I even talk its almost like im acting .

I daydream more now as Im at home almost everyday ,as I dont have a job .Im always alone at home at night and that when I get confortable to daydream .I run around the table in my living room like a crazy chicken without a head and sometimes I end up hurting myself because  I always hit the the table ending up with bruses on my leg .

I never had a boyfriend  so most of the time is about me and some boy that sometimes I know in real life or its famous or I make up the perfect one . His always perfect every aspect . That we kissing or having sex or dancing .Other times its me as the main character in a movie that I recently watched and that I liked , or that Im famous and I getting an oscar .Its always different .

I dont considered my case to be a bad one .But since I found out that its like a disorder Im scared that it might get worse and I will get caught up by it .

Im 18 years old and I used to live in UK but I moved back to my country and My mum is waiting for me to find a job before she can come and I miss her so much and sometimes I day dream about her but they always more like nightmares like shes dying or shes dead and that when I cry and I really really cry out loud . when that happend I thought that wasnt normal thats when I researched and I found out that this is actually a disorder and that Im not the only one .

Some people wish to be normal but I dont .I think it makes us creative , passionate and imaginative and most important it makes me happy at the end of the day as I feel like I had the most amazing day .Even if isnt real ,its real in my mind and It makes me smile and makes me raise my head to the following day .
We probably good actors , song writter or good authors .
An Ep User An EP User Feb 1, 2013

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