Is MDD A Bad Thing !!?

Well ,I never thought this even existed .I thought it was normal because I actually never took the time to "really see it ". From what I researched it may be cause do to a drama that you had in your life and I think thats how I started . My dad died when I was 4 years old and I was even hospitalised because I got ill all of the sudden the doctors didnt figured it out I guess it was like depression something like that but while I was at the hospital for 2 weeks I had to hold my mums hand 24/7 for the whole time that I was there ,she couldnt even go to work and my nanny had to come for her to go and have her food.I guess I was so afraid to loose her too .
I always remenber of daydreaming .Its always different everyday it depends of what I see . In real life ,people that I talk to , movies , or my own imagination and then I just make it a big scenario in my mind .Its crazy but it kinda makes me happy . From the reasearch that I did its a form of escapism ,and probably it is as I dont find my real life interesting at all .

I dont find my MDD too bad as It doesnt really affect my daily life ,sometimes I might be talking to friends and my mind kinda want to go away and wants to start daydreaming but I make myself stop usually this happens when what im doing is not interesting .

I get trigger by music and sometimes I dont even need it but it makes much better for me .I tend to walk fast or run up and down the room ,If im sitting down I rock myself backwards and forwards sometimes im so focused and so excited about, that I find myself doing this crazy jumps and thats when I kinda "wake up " . I make face expressions depending on my emotions and I find myself crying and smiling and sometimes I even talk its almost like im acting .

I daydream more now as Im at home almost everyday ,as I dont have a job .Im always alone at home at night and that when I get confortable to daydream .I run around the table in my living room like a crazy chicken without a head and sometimes I end up hurting myself because  I always hit the the table ending up with bruses on my leg .

I never had a boyfriend  so most of the time is about me and some boy that sometimes I know in real life or its famous or I make up the perfect one . His always perfect every aspect . That we kissing or having sex or dancing .Other times its me as the main character in a movie that I recently watched and that I liked , or that Im famous and I getting an oscar .Its always different .

I dont considered my case to be a bad one .But since I found out that its like a disorder Im scared that it might get worse and I will get caught up by it .

Im 18 years old and I used to live in UK but I moved back to my country and My mum is waiting for me to find a job before she can come and I miss her so much and sometimes I day dream about her but they always more like nightmares like shes dying or shes dead and that when I cry and I really really cry out loud . when that happend I thought that wasnt normal thats when I researched and I found out that this is actually a disorder and that Im not the only one .

Some people wish to be normal but I dont .I think it makes us creative , passionate and imaginative and most important it makes me happy at the end of the day as I feel like I had the most amazing day .Even if isnt real ,its real in my mind and It makes me smile and makes me raise my head to the following day .
We probably good actors , song writter or good authors .
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Feb 1, 2013

This is actually like mine. I experience the same thing. It is hard to "live in two worlds". To stay in the real one is hard. But because it is real is why we must find some way to control our MD.