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Reality Isn'T All That...

This will probably be my last use of this site, depending on my choice...
Sometimes life dosnt let you choose everything you need, sometimes you need to settle with what will make you happy, not whats best...
Ive been MD, almost to the point of delusions about reality! I remember spending hours thinking about if my imaginary universe was in fact a real universe produced by my brain... I get distracted constantly, I spend most of my time sitting around and doing things in my other life.
As of a day and a half ago I decided that I want my real life back and stopped dreaming cold turkey (Imaginary suicide actually works for me)! Anyway , then I got reminded why I spend all my time daydreaming. Real life sucks, and I think I may have by my method of escape ripped out the part of me that is me (If im even making sense)! For example at my grandma's birthday party earlier today, some of the family came.
I tried to put on my loving,kind,social sides, they either weren't there or something was wrong at least. Manners, what manners; I talked with my mouth opened half the time, I got in a argument with my dad too! Then I remembered that im failing most of my classes, and neglecting most of my friends. I thought that giving up the dreaming was supposed to bring me back to my senses! Well nope, I just remember how terrible this reality/universe is, and I find myself in deep depression...
It makes sense too, I didn't learn to love or socialize in real life. Im going so far as to say that I have a different form of love (as an emotion). This love that I know has served me very well, Ive been with my first real life girlfriend for almost a year now. We have never had a fight, cheated, or really upset each-other! its by all means, perfection. Except for the past day and a half, I have felt little to no connection with her, that makes me more depressed, and a little angry. And speaking of favorite things that I enjoy doing, all the music I like Every single song that I really like is a "trigger"! So I cant listen to music either!
By now you may be wondering why I dont just dream half the time. Well, my lack of control and need to get out brought me to the point of suicide.
I have tried, but it just comes back minutes later, nothing gets done.
The withdrawal is killing me: Depression,headache, socially incapable, and everything makes me nervous now... My MD may have been messing up my grades, but is it really worth it? I thought I was in a sucky situation before; now its just grey, hopeless-depression, and im homesick! Without the fantasy of sorts: I cant love, and thats enough for me to consider weather to stay a dreamer, or quite permanently. Love or career? f I remain a dreamer, I think I might write about what I do in my dreams maybe write a book too... Or maybe ill try to save my grades and future career... Sometimes life dosnt let you choose everything you need, sometimes you need to settle with what will make you happy, not whats best... (Comment yes/no if you want to help) This will probably be my last use of this site, depending on my choice...
LacusLaganum LacusLaganum 16-17, M 2 Responses Feb 2, 2013

Your Response


Hey there, glad to see other guys on here brave enough to be open about their telents. I ended up growing out of my MDDs when my social life started picking up in highschool. My addiction broke as I got more involved in activities. But for the majority of my childhood I was just like you and thought about dreaming all through school and as soon as I would get home i'd try to day dream as much as possible. My emotions to the real world became very detached and it was hard after awhile to be moved in real life situations because I was able to create such excitement and well, adrenalin rushes within my daydreams. The more detached i became from the real world the more noticeable the difference in my attitude to was to others. My brother helped me break my habbits because he was constantly calling me out on daydreaming. My dad then started to call me out on it and i felt more and more shame for daydreaming. I eventually decided to force myself into social situations in highschool to stop clinging to the dreams. it was a very difficult challenge in my life to overcome. when college came around i had left my daydreaming in the past and started to embrace full on what life had in store for me. It can get bleak at times but we still have the ability to function in the real world. you're not alone, and you still have a bright future.
keep your head up!

And you should be proud, you just turned someone's life around, thank you :) farwell