I Suffer From Maladaptive Daydreaming
I have had MD since i was about 13. I used to daydream from as young as i can remember but my "story/dream" got defined when i was 13, that's when my script started, characters were formed and its been 12 years since then. I'm now 25.
I just recently found out about MD, didn't know that there were people like me. I never imagined that it was a real illness ,although i've always known i was sick i never imagined that there were people with the exact same problem, same symptoms, fears and concerns as i do.
I have tried for years to make it stop, and with each failed attempt i feel more and more helpless. I used to hate myself for it, i know better now but still desperately wantt to stop, its been 12 years!. It has cost me a lot. I am a very intelligent girl, but I am not where i should be academically and career wise because half of my mental powers are spent on running this unreal movie in my head. Make no mistake I enjoy daydream like everyone else with MD, but when i look at my life i hate myself for it. I am a success in the eyes of other people, i still do well but i know just how little effort i put into my real life and how much better i could be.
At the same time i worry about the emptiness i will feel should it all stop. It feels as if a part of me would be taken away. I don't know how to live with just me. I've grown attached to the other me, and the people in that world. There is not much difference between me and the me in my head, just that she is a better version of me, she does and achieves all the things i would like to do but can't seem to do because im too busy planning her life.
Its like my life us in my head.
I know i could BE her, but i can't seem to let go of the dream and live my life, which is slowly passing before my eyes. I am tired of trying and failing, id just like to see some progress. Is there anyone out there who has stopped daydreaming, or is trying to control it all we can do. Well I can't even do that! I'm feeling very despondent. My triggers aren't really things i can avoid. I tend to daydream when i walk alone, to work, to the shops, at the mall, that sort of thing. Music is also a trigger.
Didn't mean for this to be so long, but i've never had the opportunity to talk about this before. Never told anyone, just felt no one would understand. Im in Cape Town, South Africa so if there is anyone here from SA please holla.
I just recently found out about MD, didn't know that there were people like me. I never imagined that it was a real illness ,although i've always known i was sick i never imagined that there were people with the exact same problem, same symptoms, fears and concerns as i do.
I have tried for years to make it stop, and with each failed attempt i feel more and more helpless. I used to hate myself for it, i know better now but still desperately wantt to stop, its been 12 years!. It has cost me a lot. I am a very intelligent girl, but I am not where i should be academically and career wise because half of my mental powers are spent on running this unreal movie in my head. Make no mistake I enjoy daydream like everyone else with MD, but when i look at my life i hate myself for it. I am a success in the eyes of other people, i still do well but i know just how little effort i put into my real life and how much better i could be.
At the same time i worry about the emptiness i will feel should it all stop. It feels as if a part of me would be taken away. I don't know how to live with just me. I've grown attached to the other me, and the people in that world. There is not much difference between me and the me in my head, just that she is a better version of me, she does and achieves all the things i would like to do but can't seem to do because im too busy planning her life.
Its like my life us in my head.
I know i could BE her, but i can't seem to let go of the dream and live my life, which is slowly passing before my eyes. I am tired of trying and failing, id just like to see some progress. Is there anyone out there who has stopped daydreaming, or is trying to control it all we can do. Well I can't even do that! I'm feeling very despondent. My triggers aren't really things i can avoid. I tend to daydream when i walk alone, to work, to the shops, at the mall, that sort of thing. Music is also a trigger.
Didn't mean for this to be so long, but i've never had the opportunity to talk about this before. Never told anyone, just felt no one would understand. Im in Cape Town, South Africa so if there is anyone here from SA please holla.
By:
amssie
Age:
22-25
,
Female
