I am 18 years old and I have social anxiety. I think my daydreaming started when I was a kid. I can't remember exactly when but I've always been someone who dreams a lot and is passionate about books and tv shows. But I think my maladaptive daydreaming started in middle school. My dad was kind of strict during that time and he was making my life really hard in a way. I didn't realize how much it affected me until now. He was one of the reasons why I have social anxiety and a low self-esteem. I hated myself in middle school, I hated my life. I had a lot of friends to be honest, but I just felt like I didn't fit in. That's when I started daydreaming a loooot. We have a big living-room that I was using for studying because it was spacious and empty and I used to walk around the table in a circle and dream about the life I wished I had. I love acting so I was talking out loud and acting this whole thing. I was laughing, having different facial expressions and sometimes i was even crying. As I loved acting, I was sometimes dreaming that I was in LA and that I was an actress.

I went to a different school for high school and I basically changed a lot. Physically and mentally. I started taking care of myself, I made new friends and my dad was less strict (I mean I grew up so...). My life was getting better but I still had a low self esteem. I was dreaming that I was wealthy, pretty, intelligent, funny. I used to make up conversations about some popular people at my school talking about me and how amazing I was (I swear to god I'm not that narcissistic in the real life). I remember I used to daydream in the living room and when someone was coming in, I used to pretend that I was learning something from my notebook. I was so ashamed but that place was my happy place; the first place I would go to while feeling down. It was my little secret and it was making me feel better.

After that, I started having two daydreams; the first one consisted of people I knew from the real life and the second one was about celebrities I had a crush on. Sometimes I was just me and I was the girlfriend of one of my celebrity crushes, sometimes I was a celebrity myself. Later, I completely changed my name, my face, my family, my friends, everything (in my mind of course). I made up a new character. I made up a perfect character I would have wanted to be. A better and perfect version of me. Oh my god, I am feeling so ashamed. I have never told anyone about this and I look like an attention seeker. But the thing is that I hate being the center of attention. I don't even know why I keep daydreaming about this. I mean, I have friends, a boyfriend, my father isn't strict anymore, I have everything I want... But I still love it because I can escape the real world and think about THAT life. It makes me feel better when I'm feeling down...

I didn't even know it was a disorder. I was babysitting my niece earlier, she was using my laptop and I was really bored. So I started daydreaming for hours and I suddenly stopped and went like '' Am I crazy? '' ''Am I schizophrenic?''. I took my phone and looked for what I had on the internet and I realized that so many people were like me. I am feeling so much better because I thought I was the crazy one. I thought I was the only one that was doing this. I am so relieved to see that I am not alone in this.

But to be honest, I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't daydream when I have company (except when I spend a LOT of time with my friends and they are sleeping over or something). I also do it when I'm bored and I have nothing to do. It used to affect my studies, I'm not going to lie. I used to chose daydreaming instead of doing my homework so I started going to the library almost everyday. My grades improved actually and it helped me focus. I think I'm just going to try not to daydream during class. It will be hard but I will try to.

I think that daydreaming isn't bad as long as it doesn't affect our lives. Daydreaming makes us happy so as long as we organize our time, I think we can allow ourselves to do it sometimes...

Thank you for reading my long text and I would love to talk to one of you. Please don't think that I am narcissistic omg I am not in the real life...
itshouda itshouda
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

You sound like a sensible and well-balanced young lady,itshouda. Daydreaming is normal, everyone does it , there's nothing wrong with you, you're not letting it get in the way of leading a normal life. Good for you.best wishes.

I completely understand where you're coming from! I dream of the same celebrity scenario, and if in reality I experienced something, I would apply that scenario in my head and I'd keep daydreaming for hours on end. And I guess I might come across as narcissistic? Sometimes people wonder why I keep muttering to myself, or shaking my hands like I'm anxious, and someone I didn't know actually thought I did have schizophrenia! But of course now I see I'm not alone, but I like daydreaming I guess? There's actually nothing wrong with my lifestyle or family yet I excessively daydream, as ridiculous as it seems. I kinda knew something was up eventually. And, like you, I took to the internet to "diagnose" myself with this "condition" that I apparently share with people like me. And I totally agree with you. There can't be anything wrong with something that makes us happy right? :)

I am feeling so much better. I mean meeting people who are going through the exact same thing when you thought you were alone is amazing...
Yeah I think there's nothing bad about it as long as it doesn't affect our lives and as long as it makes us feel better. I am here if you need to talk about anything :)