Oh wow! Today is a huge day for me! Not only have I found out that the thing I have has a name (although not officially medically recognised) but others have it too, AND THERE'S A SUPPORT GROUP?! I'm so happy right now!!
I want to talk about my experience and I hope someone is able to relate to it and find a bit of hope for themselves.
I think the format of my MD is different to most peoples - I tend to actually "act out" my imaginations. This is always in private and I'll play loud music to cover the noise.
It started when I was a child. From what I've read today, usually trauma triggers MD, however I don't think this is the case for me. When I was a child, I didn't find it easy to make friends, I found it hard to connect with children my own age or adults and I was very lonely and bored. This started out as me playing games with myself. As well as this, my brother and I used to play similar imaginary games together - sadly we grew apart and stopped doing this together. I've not stopped doing it myself though.
I first realised it was a problem when I was 12/13 - was I not too old to play such games?? I wasn't able to stop and sometimes felt guilty about it - again, I was still lonely and didn't have many friends.
I've continued with this all my life - eventually I stopped feeling guilty and just accepted it as me being weird. I have researched it before and came across a psychology article. Someone wrote in with the same issue that I have, and the psychologist was pretty brutal about it, saying that the person needed immediate psychological help. That scared the crap out of me!!
Since then I've wondered whether I need help for it. Sometimes, I'll only do it a little, other times I'll let it nearly consume my life. If I don't get the privacy to go and do it, I'll get edgy and nervous and irritable.
Its not all "acting" though - if I'm on public transport, walking somewhere or even in the office, I'll just let my imagination take over. I never thought anyone was aware until a colleague asked me why I was making weird facial expressions. I was embarrassed at the time, but now I actually think its quite funny.
My daydreams usually take the form of me "being the hero" in some way - whether its fixing a really boring problem or saving the day after a disaster. Sometimes I'll replay something that happened that day but add new twists into it to make it more exciting.
When I'm at my most depressed (I tend to suffer from depression on and off), I have realistic daydreams of committing suicide. I don't act these ones out, but I imagine everything. This is the only thing that concerns me about daydreaming - I've ruled out specific ways that I would kill myself and I have a good idea of how I'll kill myself if I ever decide "**** it, I've had enough". Once I've imagined my death, I then imagine how it will affect my friends, family, colleagues etc. Lately, I've realised that the only reason I get the urge to commit suicide is for recognition - whats the point then? I'll be dead and unable to gain anything from the recognition.
In a way, I've found daydreaming to be helpful in my life. It helps me work out my problems, and sometimes gives me confidence to handle certain situations as I feel more prepared. I used to be plagued with guilt and felt like such a freak but lately I've not been so bothered by it. I've kind of embraced it as part of who I am. I'm not sure I want to stop, or if I'm capable of stopping.
This is the first time I have EVER talked about this to anyone. I've kept it hidden from my family, flatmates, my best friends, even my ex-fiance.
Its only part of who I am. I'm not going to let it define me, and I'm not going to push it away from me. All I need to do is not let it consume my life. I find it enjoyable.
I hope this is helpful to someone out there, and I'm really interested to see if anyone has any response to my experience.
iWILLhaveagreatlife iWILLhaveagreatlife
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 19, 2015

I find myself to be very similar to you. I started daydreaming when I was young, just out of boredom. I never realized it was abnormal until I was in about grade 7 or 8 and I realized I was a little to old to be having these daydreams. I always thought it was something that I would eventually just grow out of.
I am now 21 and I still do this every day. I can waste from 2-6 hours a day daydreaming. Today was the first day I ever had the nerve to actually google what I have been spending so many years of life doing. There is a huge sense of relief that I am not the only person who does this.
My daydreams only take place when I'm alone and I put loud music on and it's always in my room in front of a big mirror. If I don't have music or the mirror I do not find myself daydreaming. However, I do find myself getting intrigued my different things in my daily life that I know I will use in my day dreams.
I also find myself looking forward to these daydreams and get agitated when I can't.
I have gave it up once on my own for 3 months, but then I started doing it again out of boredom.
I have not told a single person about this, and this is the first time I am ever getting this off of my chest.
I find myself being able to function quiet well but I know that it is going to eventually lead to problems. I currently am in my third year of university and I have been on the honours roll each year and I'm in a very loving committed relationship for 5 years. My boyfriend goes to school a hour away but he comes home every weekend. I feel like because he's gone during the week this gives me many hours to daydream. However when I do get to see him over breaks I find myself not needing to daydream as much. I feel like this might because I am less bored. Although, I know it starting to lead to some problems like I'd rather daydream then do things like clean my room, or watch a movie with my family.
I really want to stop this habit, but at the same time I want to keep it because I do enjoy it.
I do want to become strong enough to stop doing this and be able to experience life in a more authentic way.

I had this as a child. I'd totally immerse myself in a daydream and couldn't be still while I did it. I'd bounce a ball up and down the driveway while daydreaming. I'd spend hours doing it and sometimes nobody could get my attention, or I'd shake an object in my hand and pace around daydreaming. It can easily take over your life, because I'd rather live in my own world back then in stead of be like normal kids (as my mother used to tell me). I was always humiliated about it but couldn't seem to stop. When I wasn't doing it I'd feel a strong urge to do it. But all this suddenly stopped when I was abt. 12. I was so relieved!! The compulsion was finally gone! But I still think I have a mild case of it. I've always been a big reader and probably read so much to at least partly be in my own world. I always thought I was the biggest freak for doing this until abt. a yr. ago I happened to google daydreaming and found out maladaptive daydreaming is a very real thing. I was amazed and comforted! Thanks so much for listening to all this.

yeah. same here. I am 17 years old. not too old and not too young too notice.

MD had me living a happy childhood. I was the same like you write. It help me be more confident and ect. but now, I think it put me away from the reality.

Hi! you're exactly like me :o it was a bit surreal at first reading your story, I had to check if it wasnt actually me talking and had forgotten xD i'm not much of an expert in MDD but from the few things I read I also noticed that most cases list trauma of some sort as a reason for MDD but I never went through any of that and I still have it :/ i'm just a very introverted person that has difficulty talking to people so I end up escaping to a world in my head all the time. I act out what I imagine too xD it's usually only in the bathroom because I'm afraid someone at my house will suddly barge into my room at find me talking very emotionally or dramaticaly to the wall xD
Anyway, I may not be completly cientifically knowledgeble about MDD but know what the experience of it is, so if you want feel free to message me and talk to anytime you'd like :)
It would be really nice to talk to someone who does the same as me, I used to think I was the only one :$