My life has always been a complete rollercoaster. I am a 19 year old freshman in college, who wants to major in graphic arts. I have Asperger syndrome, Bipolar, ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I found out that I have MD about a month ago, but I refused to fully acknowledge it until now. I just saw my counselor yesterday, but I didn't tell her any of this. I now wish I would have. I'll have to wait until my next appointment to tell her about this and I will probably use this post to help explain it.

It's been about 3 months since I gave up my imaginary friends. I've mostly had imaginary friends that were cartoon characters. Often I would make my own version of them personality-wise. For example: I had a version of the Black and White spies from Spy vs Spy. But instead of killing each other, they were allies. Starting when I was 9 years old, I would submerse myself into a alternate world where me and my imaginary friends would do a webshow-type thing that would be shown to other imaginary friends on an alternate world-Youtube. In the process I've gained and lost certain imaginary friends, but I would always imagine that they would come back for a visit. I noticed when I started middle school, the plots that I would make up in this imaginary world were starting to get more edgy.I would always imagine that me and my imaginary friends were able to shapeshift into pokemon and animals. Then I eventually made up two other worlds (a pokemon one and a 1960's anime-like one), that my "main" imaginary world would be in contact with. In the other worlds I made up, there would be different versions of me and my imaginary friends. It kind of got out of hand when I started pretending that my real life friends were in all those made-up worlds also.

On the last week of October, I was struggling to keep hold of my imaginary friends and I suffered from anxiety in the process. I finally gave them up. But not completely. I still imagine my former imaginary friends keeping that non-existent webshow running, along with other imaginary friends who I never actually "had". Of course, these new ones would also have their personalities altered. (Loki from the Avengers was a good guy and was dating Penny from Big Bang Theory. There was a bunch of couples who were from completely different franchises.) It started out fine, but now it has gotten way out of hand. I would take walks around the block while listening to music on my Kindle and create different plotlines for my imaginary world and characters in collaboration to whatever song I was playing (It was almost always a classic rock song.) It finally got to the point where I was walking around the block at night. Just today, I walked around the block while it was still 4:00 in the morning. It has interfered with my college studies greatly. I cannot even do homework without sinking into this imaginary world and leaving the house to daydream excessively. I think part of the problem is that I've been home alone a lot lately. I am still in the process of finding a part-time job. To make matters worse, my social life is pretty dismal right now. I'm taking a break from a close friend who lives close to me, so we can focus on our own goals. My other friend is harder for me to visit, since he lives farther away. Since I cannot take driving lessons yet, I have to rely on my parent's transportation (or the city bus, once I learn how to ride it without getting lost). A lot of the time my parents can't take me over there.
Today, I have decided that it is best cut down on daydreaming. It's clear that I need to stop this addiction before I start driving or working. However, I still want to daydream enough that I get some inspiration for my artwork.

I know music is a huge trigger. I've put my Kindle at the bottom of a drawer so I can prevent myself from using it until this is treated.

Thank you for patiently reading my long post. It's nice to know that I am not the only one out there who has this.
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1 Response Jan 28, 2016

I know how you feel. Trust me. You are definitely not alone in this.