i think im a maladaptive daydreamer. when i first discovered the term, i was so surprised and happy because i thought i was the only one that daydreams excessively. all the symtomps i read in the internet apply to me.
i honestly think of this as a blessing though, despite most people thinks of this as a “curse” they should get rid of. because it makes me unique. In fact, it helped me do lots of creative things and kills time when i get bored.
i remember having imaginary interactions with five of my imaginary friends (not really though, those 5 were actually someone i knew in real life, haven’t met them again for almost 10 years) when i was around 5 years old(or 6? I forgot.). they were all girls, all of them were older than me. i still have that (crappy) drawing of them until now. i usually interact with them when walking around inside a blanket(looks funny isn’t it). i once got embarassed because i was caught by my father pacing around and rocking with those five (heh, i never thought i’d get embarassed at such young age. it’s usual for kids to play with their imaginary friends, right ?)
i don’t remember having imaginary interactions/daydreaming excessively when ever since i went to elementary school (maybe this is why i always became the top grader each year). perhaps because i lived a happier life back then..(ugh this takes me back.) i was a very cheerful and outgoing little girl with a lot of close friends.
and then… it all started again when i was at 12 or 13. I don’t remember exactly when it all started again. this one’s more intense. i act out everything, pacing, and actually talking with myself when daydreaming. (can you just imagine yourself entering a room and caught one of ur friends pacing around like they’re mentally ill? that’s creepy, right? and yup that’s what i did most of the time!) most of the time it involves emotional reactions too. i always end up daydreaming without me realizing it. i’d be sooo embarassed if someone caught me talking and acting things out. i am not a kid anymore.
one day i realize that i’ve daydreamed way too much so i googled about it. found the term “maladaptive daydreaming” and i was so happy thinking i’m not the only one who did this. i did a lot of researches about it and so surprised that everything stated there about MD applies to me.
sometimes it interrupts my daily life too. sometimes i prefer daydreaming than doing homeworks, chores, and studying. It takes me long to fall asleep and wake up(it actually feels good doing this when you’re still half conscious at morning.) because i can’t stop daydreaming. I also have trouble concentrating in school and i think my grades are dropping significantly (especially math, ughh.). Its also bad for my social life because sometimes i try to avoid people and making excuses so i can be alone and daydream all i want. at school, i often walk around to places that have less people in it, just to daydream.
the good thing is, it actually helped me a lot when i’m lonely. when i miss someone so badly, i usually hug my pillow, but it really feels just like i’m hugging them. i picture their faces and actually talking with them. sometimes i can picture one of my friends comforting me. but at times, thinking that i did this to cope with my loneliness made me feel even more lonely too. i know, the best way is to cope with this is to meet/text my friends directly, it’s my fault.
when i had a crush i imagine doing many things with them. it feels wonderful.
when i was angry because someone or something, i always make scenes about it in my head and act them out. that way i usually find a resolution to end the problem.
everything triggers me. movies, books, people, music..(there’s no way to for me to stop daydreaming when the music is on xD)
I think this is the way for me to deal with most of difficult things. (usually emotional pains.) i feel a bit more relieved after i daydreamed.
i think this made me a bit more sluggish and forgetful too.
I once tried telling this to my mother but she didn’t take me seriously at that time. she thinks i made things up. tried to tell friends too and they thought the same.
fyi, i’m 14 now, and still doing the same thing all the time :)
Huft i am glad i finally let this all out ._.
ollyvia ollyvia
16-17, F
1 Response Feb 8, 2016

I can so relate to this.