I am new to this website I just fount it a couple of days ago and I finally know what this is I have been dealing with almost my whole life. I am a 15 year old girl and I have been daydreaming since I was like 7 or 8. When I was younger it was simple daydreams like 'If I were invisible for a day what would I do' and stuff like that, but when I got to be 13 the daydreams started to get more detailed and a story line began to form. When I was 13 my parents got a divorce (I think that's one of the reasons why my daydreams got more vivid). Since I was 13 I have been daydreaming about a male celebrity singer. At first in them (them being the daydreams) we were just friends but then we started to form a relationship and now we have been "dating" for almost 2 years. I feel like it has taken over my life and a part of me really wants it to stop but the other part doesn't because I enjoy the daydreams. In my daydreams I am myself just a idealist version of myself. In them I'm very smart, I have an IQ of 210, I started college at 7 and have my masters in psychology (which is something I want to study in reality when I start college) and my bachelors in mathmatics, I play many instuments, etc. Also in them I had a abusive childhood and got legal emancipation from my parents and that's why I can date the celeb because I am legally now 18. And when I took my parents to court I got a large amount of money from the goverment because so I'm a millionare. And I have schitzophrenia and various other mental disorders. I work at a highschool as a counsulor. And the list goes on and on about the idealist version of myself (and I hope that doesn't sound weird everyone daydreams differently and that's just what I daydream). The thing is that I've never told anyone about this and if I did they would think I'm crazy. I know they arn't real but I enjoy them. And I think you would never expect someone like me have this condition because in reality I'm a very outgoing person, I'm funny (actually I got nominated for the funniest girl out of my class and voting is tomorrow so I hope I get it), I have average grades, I have a nice group of friends, I talk to everyone, I look normal, but I don't feel normal on the inside because of my daydreaming. I also have these characteristics within my daydream version of myself. Ok, I know this is long but bear with me, I have just a couple of other things I need to get off my chest before I post this and this last part is where I need ya'lls help. Whenever I see the celeb I'm "dating" out with a girl or is rumored to have a girlfriend, I. Go. *******. Crazy. It's like it doesn't fit to my mold of my daydreams and I go crazy because in my mind I'm dating him not some other girl. He has recently been rumored to have been dating this model and I had so much anxiety until it was unconfirmed it made me sick. I got depressed also and had very bad suicidal thoughts (I'm on meds for depression and anxiety). So he is single now but I don't know what to do if his does get a girlfriend soon (which I know eventually he will) and it makes me so scared because I have emotionally grown onto this celeb and it literally breaks my heart to see him with some other girl. I really want to learn how to deal with this when he gets a girlfriend. I need to learn to separate myself from him getting a girlfriend in real life and me dating him in my head, I just don't know where to start. Music is a big trigger for me. I'm starting to try to schedule for when I can daydream and when I can't but it's so hard! I don't want this to last my whole life either. I really need others opinion on this and on about what I can do to help me cope when he is out with a girl. And I also hope others can relate to some of my story. Please give me some advice if any of ya'll have some!
-S
ES34 ES34
16-17, F
Mar 16, 2016