Zombielike

I have had depression since I was younger. It sucks. But I've always gotten by, but lately it's like things keep crashing down on me. I don't understand. The thoughts of death and self harm are more frequent and way stronger. The people at work keep telling me I'm doing things wrong and it's like I'm so sorry. It all hurts. I walk around like a zombie. I keep telling people I'm fine when it's not hard to tell I'm not. I look in the mirror and hate everything I see. I can't help but cry all the time. I don't even wanna move or try. I feel like such a mistake to the world. Such a screw up. I know the pain is supposed to go away, but it hasn't and it won't. And I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm so scared and lost.