My Life

I have suffered from depression since I was about 15 on and off. Each bout seems to be worse than the one before.
The latest bout of depression started when my dad died 3 years ago suddenly and on the same day that dad died my uncle (mom’s brother) announced his engagement - the *****! I didn’t go to the wedding and neither did Steffi.
Things have been very strained between my uncle and the rest of the family since then.

doreenpayne doreenpayne
36-40, F
4 Responses Sep 15, 2008

Don't just say your depressed, say what's on your mind, to a sheet of paper with a ******* pen, or say it to the air buddy, and gothdolly, f psychiatric help, TALK TO ME, I LOVE THIS STUFF

So two days ago i was venting about how unhappy i am in the relationship that i have been in for going on five years now. He loves me but shouldn't. What i did to him was so horrible on so many levels. The damage i have done is unforgivable. He has lost his confidence, his self worth, drive the list can go on and on. I really think he can be such an amazing guy for a good girl. I would love to see him happy. He is not happy with me and never will be. He just doesn't want to be alone and wont let me go, again. Cause the last time i hurt and embarrassed him so terribly. So yesterday i was on Facebook, which i hardly go on. And i get a message from an ex of mine who tells me he misses me and will rescue me from my depressed life i am living in. He tells me he will buy me a ticket right now to go stay with him. He says that out of all the girls he ever was with, he has always loved me unconditionally. He said i can stay with him and he will never kick me out or tell me what to do... I feel like this is an opportunity that i should not miss out on. I have spent many nights crying feeling like i have nobody to rescue me from the hell that i endure with him every day. Dreaming of a way out but have nobody. Then finally yesterday my dream came true but i am stuck. I want to go but feel bad leaving him without anything. I have done that once before and it killed him inside. I am holding myself back from the life i should be living. I think its the guilt, shame, and lack of self worth. I think i just need a good kick in the ***. Please Help Me Anyone!!!!! I am a young talented beautiful girl wasting her life away depressed and using drugs. I want out but don't have the strength!

doreen,gothdolly-i am going through the same bs and it f***ing sucks!!! i hope you get help soon and i am rooting for you both :)

doreen,gothdolly-i am going through the same bs and it f***ing sucks!!! i hope you get help soon and i am rooting for you both :)

I too share your hell and help is not available unless you can afford therapy. I am on a long waiting list nobody cares.