Always Felt This Way
I've been depressed since i was 8 yrs old. at 9 i started cutting, scratching, burning, scalding. at 11 i started to really come up with ideas on how to commit suicide and by 16 i was attempting the ideas of overdosing and driving recklessly almost 2 -3 times a week. in a matter of 3 yrs i lost my great grandmother, my 2 grandmas, 2 grandpas, 2 high school friends, and my High school sweetheart. the last causing the most tragedy in my life. He was brutally murdered at a tender age of 19. (*) i'm 27 now. and every day of my life is a struggle to get out of bed. i dont have ambition, constantly feel achy and ill. never feel like i'm getting better. i still carry thoughts of harming my self. and i'm emotionally tired and careless. Im always tired of feeling like my husband and i never have enough money to go on. and not having insurance to take care of my health. i over sleep and if i could stay in bed 24/7 i would. i over eat and have gain tons of weight but dont have the ambition to get off this dang couch. i feel hopeless and worthless. and i actually feel like i dont care to go on.
* i went to therapy for a yr or so. i went on lexapro, prozac, and others. the medication made me feel fake and ultimately worsened my feelings of depression and suicide