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Always Felt This Way

I've been depressed since i was 8 yrs old. at 9 i started cutting, scratching, burning, scalding. at 11 i started to really come up with ideas on how to commit suicide and by 16 i was attempting the ideas of overdosing and driving recklessly almost 2 -3 times a week. in a matter of 3 yrs i lost my great grandmother, my 2 grandmas, 2 grandpas, 2 high school friends, and my High school sweetheart. the last causing the most tragedy in my life. He was brutally murdered at a tender age of 19. (*) i'm 27 now. and every day of my life is a struggle to get out of bed. i dont have ambition, constantly feel achy and ill. never feel like i'm getting better. i still carry thoughts of harming my self. and i'm emotionally tired and careless. Im always tired of feeling like my husband and i never have enough money to go on. and not having insurance to take care of my health. i over sleep and if i could stay in bed 24/7 i would. i over eat and have gain tons of weight but dont have the ambition to get off this dang couch. i feel hopeless and worthless. and i actually feel like i dont care to go on.

 

* i went to therapy for a yr or so. i went on lexapro, prozac, and others. the medication made me feel fake and ultimately worsened my feelings of depression and suicide

Sunflowers07 Sunflowers07 26-30 4 Responses Oct 9, 2008

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you need to sit down and write down eveything youve been thru in your life, everything youve been holding you down, everything that has mae you meserible. after that i want you to take a walk, somehere where there is a lake/pond/ect and want you to ripe hat pae ito tuny pieces abd drop them, one by onein the water. and let go. let go of eerything youve beenholding onto for so many years. once youvedon this i promise you your life will start to change, start focusing on now the present and how to make it bette. life can beautiful if you let it. and you may think im some dumbo who doesnt know what theyre talkig aout but please trust me. you hvae to be willing to put he effort in to make achange in you life. <3

Please try to get better. I hate seeing people like this. Try taking a walk and learn from nature. Nature teaches great lessons if you let it.

i added medication and my therapy.

medication...