Hi my name is Ehren and i've been suffering with depression for around 9 months now. In my current position i don't have any friends. And i mean literally. I don't have family either so i'm pretty much alone. My dad passed last year, mom found a new bf on the internet within months. Everything changed after that. She is at his house pretty much everyday now, leaving me to fend for myself. She never used to be like this. Because her bf lived on the other side of town she decided to move us near him. So i'm now im a completely un-known area by myself. I don't go to school. I don't do anything. I wake up only to do nothing all day and then go to sleep. Mom is no support to me at all. She took me to the doctor after i insisted. He diagnosed me with having severe depression. She said she didn't want me taking anti-depressants and that's the last i've heard of it from her. It's as if she didn't care for me at all. That's how i feel anyway. When she's not at her boyfriends house she's on the phone to him. She doesn't take any notice of me, it's like i'm a fleck of dust on the wall. I've talked to people on the net about depression. Most of them told me i have to get out and do things i enjoy. Catch is, i don't enjoy doing anything. I hardly ever even go to the letterbox to check the mail because i'm so insecure and paranoid. I can't ever see myself getting better though. I can't remember the last time i was happy. When i'm not watching t.v i'm crying uncontrollably for no reason. I just feel that bad the tears start come. I don't want to be here, though i could never do self-harm. I'm too much of a ***** to cut or anything, even though it's all i ever think about. I just wish i could fall asleep and not wake up, that would be so ideal. My life is so pointless. I don't really know why i'm writing this. Something to do i suppose. You probably won't read it and if you do you won't be able to share any advice that could help. Just getting my thoughts out of my head i guess. Goodnight.