Is There No Relief?

well i just got back from new york yesterday, i was up there with my  boyfriend visiting his family. I couldnt wait to leave, i felt so uncomfortable and out of place there in his sisters home. I didnt even know how to initiate a conversation with any of them. I feel he is to blame for my anxiety towards them, seeing how horrible he has treated me these last 2yrs, you can only wonder about his family history. He often calls me n*gger, and has told me that some of his family memebers have also resorted to  using that degrading word against other african americans. Now that im back home its not any better, because i was coerced by him into letting his nephew stay for the summer, even though he is blatantly aware of my social anxiety. My home was my only comfort zone, and now i feel like the outsider through no fault of his nephew, but i feel the anxiety just the same. My boyfriend had the audacity to grant his brother permission as well to come live in our "1 bedroom" apartment!  We had a heated altercation at length until he finally submitted. I feel like i am being strategically pushed out of my own house, i feel anxiety around my boyfriend as well, that wasnt the case when we initially  met, but he has shown  such a hatred for my race, by calling me a   n*gger  incessantly,  i  have no other option but to feel anxiety towards him.
ck0705 ck0705
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 15, 2010

your boyfriend sounds like a total jerk. I know it can be hard to stand up for yourself with anxiety, but you need to tell him off. He has no right to invite people to live in your house or call you such hateful things.