Story Of My Silly Sensitivity

So here am I. No introductions, or whatever. Thought I'd give it a try and write how I feel. I don't care if anybody likes it or doesn't, but eh... here it goes. Oh and my English is not that good, it's not my native language. So don't hate. Really.

So long long time ago, I was born. As a child, I was a very sensitive, friendly and "open hearted"(if it's correct) person. I loved to help people, I loved to make friends, I loved to love everything about this world, but then I faced what its like to be in the real mean world. Due to my friendly and soft nature firstly I got let down by my father. He thought that I was too soft, and perhaps because of this, he always was mentally abusing me, for every bad thing I did. For example, I didn't know how to repair something, I also didn't do anything good, and for that I was abused. Only thing I did good was drawing (I'm lefty) but then again, they wanted me to play basketball, as as a child I was tall. Firstly I did karate, because parents wanted me to, then basketball. I never had good relationships with my father, because of what he did to me. When I was 10 I was in my dads office, he left me there, to play computer games, and so I did. I locked up door before I went playing. After I finished playing, I wanted to do go out, but the door wouldn't open, so I broke the door, and after it I realized that the key was in the door hole. Guess what then happened? Father came back, hits me few times, and yells me to run home. We live in a city, so I had to run crying through the streets till home from his office, and while I was running he was fallowing me and watching me run in his car. But I can't blame him for all that, he had harsh childhood too...Maybe.And my mother, there's nothing to say about her. She always loved me, but she loved me too much, so I was spoiled child. Friends...they also took advantage of me, sometimes some guys even bullied me. I was a coward, I admit that. And in my fathers eyes, I still am - Worthless piece of ****, and I hate him too. Also, as a child,I loved a girl. We were dating, but then she betrayed me with another guy. Heh. I always hated that soft part of me, so I tried to lose it. Since 15 I have been training. Mostly boxing. I can handle my self now, I feel confident, people don't bully me, because they know what I'm capable of but I still feel soft inside. And I hate that feeling, because it makes me weak, and when I get weak, people run over me. I can't be myself, I have to pretend that I'm someone else... Parents divorced too, mother found a partner, from the "zone", and father felt betrayed, so he found one **** for himself. - if it's worth mentioning. I don't know, maybe I did something wrong, because at this moment, I feel like I hate everybody. No love, only hate around me. No lover, no father love, no real friends
Sorry, I didn't talk in full sentences, in complete phrases. I let go my emotions. This one is a text of bullshit, so don't mind it. I just felt the need to spit it out. i feel like one winged angel, with the second dark wing appearing too...
yourbro yourbro
18-21, M
Jul 4, 2012