I Think This Is What I Have...

The first time I thought I might have vaginismus is when I was 19. I had my first serious boyfriend, and he pressured me to have sex before I was ready. (I was a virgin) We tried to have sex many times, but it never seemed to work. I would always be too tense and him pressuring me did not help. He would always get mad when we couldn't do it and would yell at me and say it was my problem and to figure it out. He would also call me names and tell me that something was wrong with me and basically was emotionally abusive. Eventually we broke up, and I forgot about the problem for a while. I have only had one or two successful pap smears, but the last time I went the doctor was unable to get the speculum inside. I told her that it is very difficult for me to do the exam and her advice was to try using tampons. I am 22 now, almost 23, and I have had a new boyfriend for almost 2 years. We have not had sex yet and he never pressures me for it. We do other things besides actual intercourse and we are satisfied. However, we both decided we were ready to have sex about a week ago and gave it a try. Once again, I was too tense and could not relax enough to do it. He wasn't mad, he just said that we would try again another time and he was very supportive. He understands that although I want to have sex, my body is not letting me right now and he tells me that I have to listen to my body. I decided that after that, I would try to use a tampon during my next period so that maybe I could get used to having something inside me. So a couple days ago, I wanted to go swimming but I had my period so I decided to try a tampon. I managed to get it in (with difficulty) and it hurt, and almost immediately afterwards, I felt dizzy and fainted. My mom took me to the emergency room and everything checked out fine. ( I tried using a tampon before, but felt dizzy when i first inserted the applicator so I stopped. I can insert a finger or have my boyfriend insert his finger without pain) Ever since then I have been so depressed. I just want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend because I am in love with him and I know he loves me and I want to be able to have that experience with him. But I feel that if I can't even insert a tampon without literally fainting, then how am I going to have sex? I came to this forum because I feel so alone and isolated and hope that by sharing my story I will feel a little bit better.
hls8 hls8
22-25, F
9 Responses Jul 18, 2010

I finally realized that God is indeed a MALE.<br />
The reasons are:<br />
<br />
1.) If God is a female, she would never inflict women with painful intercourse. She would merely inflict them with infertility. Her empathy towards women's feelings will always prevail.<br />
<br />
2.) It is known in history that men treat women as property. Therefore, if God inflicts a woman with primary vaginismus, thick hymen or dry vagina, then her vagina is now the property of God. She's meant to control the population.<br />
God uses her as an instrument to reveal who the real rapists are, thereby upholding women's most divine right -the right NOT to be raped.<br />
<br />
This proves that God is a male, because for him, there are things more important than empathy towards females. This explains why painful intercourse is MORE COMMON among females than males.<br />
Because God is a MALE and treats some women as his property to control the population.

Maypaki,<br />
<br />
You have absolutely no business bringing your preaching into this forum as a comment to my story. You have no idea what it is like to have vaginismus, or else you wouldn't be posting these ridiculous, insulting comments. This is not a forum about God, it is a forum for people who suffer from vaginismus. So take your negative comments elsewhere and go preach somewhere else. Any other woman with vaginismus would agree with me and be insulted by what you said. You should think next time before you post your views. I probably have never been so insulted in my life. So screw you, people like you should be blocked from this site.

Primary Vaginismus.<br />
If you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.<br />
<br />
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.<br />
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.<br />
Or be CELIBATE.<br />
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.<br />
<br />
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.<br />
God does NOT want you to have sex.<br />
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.<br />
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.<br />
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.<br />
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.<br />
<br />
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.<br />
God truly works in strange ways.<br />
<br />
Sex is NOT for everyone. SOME people are unfit for sex.<br />
Your VAGINA became an instrument of God's population control.

Thank you for commenting on my story, Christine. I am glad that you were able to work with the dilators and overcome this problem. I am still in the process of overcoming vaginismus, but I am making great progress and I know that I will be able to have sex with my boyfriend in the near future. Thank you for your support and I wish you luck as well.<br />
<br />
Heather

I am 21 years old and was dianosed with vaginismus last year at age 20. I had been sexually active since I was 17 years old, but never enjoyed the experience. From the time I started menstrating, I could never figure out how to use a tampon. I always thought I was just stupid and uncoordinated. I could get one in, but never felt comfortable. When I began having sex, I experienced a great deal of pain and burning during and after. Though I loved my boyfriend of three years dearly, my inability to sexually express myself to him led to the end of our relationship. I met another guy about six months later and was curious, after we'd been together for a couple months, to see if my problem would manifest itself again; it did. I could have sex, but it was excruciating. I finally got fed up and went to a new gynocologist after going to two doctors who told me that I needed to have more fourplay!!! The third doctor told me that I had vaginismus and helped me get involved with a physical therapist. Though it was challenging for me to work with a therapist for such an intimate issue, it has proved to help me so much. I can use all the dilators without pain. The only issue that remains is that sex is still painful on some occasions, but a billion times better than in the past. I also am incapable of becoming lubricated during sex, which is incredibly frustrated. Please don't feel alone in your diagnosis or sexual troubles; I promise there is hope! I always felt so alone and never realized that there were other young women with my similar struggles. I wish you the best and am always here if you need guidance, advice, or support. --Christine

Thanks. I do something similar when I use the dilators. I breathe in and then breathe out and as I breathe out, I push the dilator in. I love the vaginismus.com forum, it is incredibly helpful and all other girls there are so nice and will answer any questions that you have. My username on there is hls. Keep me updated on your progress!

hi, I have not yet joined the forums, but I'm going to do so. I am between trainer # 3 and 4 right now, and I find out every first time to go on the next trainer, it hurts alot. But while I hang on to it, make a long breath out, and push the trainer in, it can go through. Then, while do the same # again, it won't hurt as much. I also use KY jel.<br />
Good luck to you too.

Thank you so much for commenting on my story. It is good to know that there are other people that have the same experience as me. I have also ordered the kit from vaginismus.com since I posted this story. I have worked up to dilator # 3 so far and I am really happy with my progress because before I was unable to insert anything at all and felt sick to even think about it. I hope that in the next few months I will be able to have intercourse for the first time with my boyfriend of 2 years. Good luck in the transition process. Do you go on the vaginismus.com forums? It is very helpful!

Hi, your story very touchs me, because I have a very similar problem. I been married 2 years, and couldn't have intercourse until days ago (First time ever!!)<br />
<br />
I been suffering with vaginismus, but I found out this term only about 2 months ago by searching on internet. I was so depressd, hopeless, lonely, and angry about what happened to me. I didn't know what to do, and who to talk to. This was an embarrassed topic to talk about; kept thinking why me? was there anyone in this world had the same problem?<br />
<br />
About 2 months ago, I searched a link to Trya Banks's show about "virgin married".. there was an interview to coupls who got married but never had intercourse, because of vaginisms. I was crying while I watched that show. Finally, I know I wasn't the only one; there's people in this world suffer same problem like me and understand how I felt.<br />
<br />
Later, I found a site vaginismus.com, and read more stories and treatment about it. I bought their set of self treatment product (a guide book, DVD, dilators). And it is working! It does take alot of practice, it's been 2 months now (and I am still in progress). Going to a doctor is too embrrassing for me, and I am so glad I can do self treatment without anyone know, and most important is, it is working to me!!<br />
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I had my first time sex ever with my hubby 2 days ago. It's so unbeliviable, and it hurts, but I can get thought it. We tried again last night, but it was not sucess, but I think it's just nee to takes more practice. I am optimum to it. Because, I used not to able to insert Q tip, my own finger, or tampon (couldn't even thinking about this was possible) to my vagina, and I now can do it!! (I had my first tampon experience in my last period)<br />
<br />
Think positiive, this really work to me, and I want to share this with you, because I know how you feel.