22 Year Old Virgin

There is another girl on here with a similar story to mine - but basically, I'm 22 years old and am still a virgin due to this condition. I always assumed that I'd be alright with the thought and act of sex "when I'm older" and ready, but that switch never really came. I still have some cringy feelings on sex and although I'm emotionally ready to take that step with my current partner, it's taking the step at all that I'm struggling with.

I've been with my partner for a year now and we've tried multiple times to have intercourse but each time I'd tense up and it would feel extremely uncomfortable - like someone was prodding at me over and over and I just wanted them to go away. I've recently bought the set of dilators from vaginismus.com and although it's only day two right now, I've had some positive results.

The smallest dilator was a doddle - it took some time for me to calm my nerves and get it inside, but after the nerves wentI was fine and managed to insert it multiple times without too much discomfort. The only real discomfort was getting past the "entry" each time. Today I tried the second one up, which was a fair bit thicker than the first and although I got it in and had the same success as I did the first, it was a LOT more uncomfortable. I constantly felt like I needed to pee, it was really uncomfortable pulling it out and in again and I was a lot more nervous. I realised that it feels a lot more uncomfortable if I relax my legs and doesn't as much when I tense them? Is this normal? I also have to keep my legs fairly together as opposed to spread (but can do it with them spread after I get it in initially) and have to have my other hand resting just below my belly button or else it feels too weird.

Looking at the largest dilator scares me rigid. I wish I was normal and could have sex easily and comfortably. I hope against all hope the dilators work out for me. One of my fears is how long the dilators become.. just imagining them inside me, practically inside where my belly button is where all my guts and gore are freaks me out. I'm not sure how to get past this.
tigerkittie tigerkittie
Dec 12, 2012