Thank You

Hey, girls!

I am so glad that I have found you guys. I generally like being alone, but this disease has made me change my mind about that. Now I need somebody to talk to. Somebody who understands what it feels like. Most really don't. They don't know what it feels like having your most female part broken. What it feels like not being able to share the most intimate thing with your loved one. But you guys, you do! So thank you for sharing your stories. It gives me hope that maybe some day I will be cured. So here is my story so far:

I have had vestibulitis for about 4 years as far as I know. It already started with my sexual debut. And believe me, I was prepared for sex to hurt the first time. But I wasn't ready for it to hurt so bad. The burning pain lasted for hours afterwards. But I thought that maybe it was supposed to feel like that the first few times. So we tried for months, until I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. When he noticed that I was crying I told him about how painful it was, so after that we tried longer foreplay, other positions, lubes, monthslong breaks - everything we could think of. I believe it was after 1,5 years of trying until we gave up the idea of having penetrating sex.

I didn't tell anyone about it. I was too ashamed. Not being able to have sex - I had never heard of anyone who couldn't do that! I found it difficult feeling lust and was only intimate with my boyfriend because I felt it was my obligation as a girlfriend. I thought that if I didn't he would have left me.

Of course he wouldn't! But I thought so. I had hit rock bottom. I was depressed for a long time. I even tried breaking up with him because I thought he should have a girlfriend who could offer him the things I couldn't. He wouldn't leave me, and was so supportive throughout it all.

So finally, about 1 year ago, I went to see the gynecologist. I was lucky to that extent that she knew what vestibulitis was, and she told me right away that she thought that might be it. She told me that there is no cure, but that people do recover from it. I started crying so hard. All that shame, bitterness and sadness I had kept inside of me for those 3 years just bursted out. I don't know for how long I cried, but I was so happy to finally know what it was. Even though there was no cure, I was excstatic.

But a week later, after having read about people struggling with it for over a decade I began feeling sad again. I tend to be very pessimistic in general, and those first months of knowing what I was suffering from, was a roller coaster.

The treatment I was told to perform was to lubricate with a especially fat lotion twice a day, biofeedback and clutching. I live in Sweden and I don't know how easily you guys can get a surgery, but here in Sweden you have to have tried EVERYTHING and it still doesn't work A BIT. So no surgery for me. I go to specialists in the VV-field once every two weeks. There I get examined and talk to a psychologist, and so far it is working great. I have had the official diagnosis for about half a year now, and when I started my treatment in the spring of 2012 I was a 9 out of 10 on the "pain scale". Especially at the area at 6 o'clock. But in january of 2013 I was a 5-6! And the redness is fading! So I really hope that soon I can post a story about how awesome it is being cured from this awful disease. Until then: thank you for sharing your stories. You give me hope to keep fighting this! <3
deleted deleted
Jan 13, 2013