If Only We Were Married...

I'm a butch and was in a relationship w/ a woman(bi) for 8 yrs.  We lived  together for more than 4 yrs, until just recently I found out I'm not the only one in her life.  Never suspected that the guy (who is married w/ 3 kids) he introduced to me as her friend is actually her boyfriend.    Just found out about this through her sister.  I dont really check on her personal stuff or online accounts, but when I checked, one of her blog caught my attention, which made me conclude their affair might have been over a yr already.  The guy is legally married to another woman and there is no divorce in our country and I trusted them that they really are just friends that's why I feel so bad/deceived.  I confronted her bout her other relationship and she admitted about it and even admitted that there was already sex involved.   No wonder she got so worried when her period was delayed.  I feel so hurt by her reasoning out of things she knows in the very beginning are my limitations (like her wanting kids).  She denied that they are still together but I have doubts.  

We are separated now.  She went back to her family.  Sometimes I'd call her mom to check on her and there are times her mom doesnt know where she went and I'd be paranoid thinking about crazy stuff like she's probably w/ that guy again. I stopped having any communication now (for about 5 days) coz its just making me more crazy.  

Its sad  that as a butch or being in a homosexual relationship, there's no security, there's no real tie that would bind you.  When someone messes around, the other (aggrieved) person has nothing to hold on to, there's no legal protection.  You just cry, cry, cry, until there's no more tears or just get tired in time.   but what if by accident i see that other guy and out of anger (for being cheated on) I got him killed?  I cant even make adultery as an excuse lolz...
napindeho napindeho
2 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I have a friend who is also going through a similar experience, he is so affraid now because he will be left with nothing after 10 years of basically a marriage but because there are no laws to protect him he will be left with absolutely nothing, he is a better wife than I will ever be and his partner who constantly cheats on him and is abusive is determined to see him homeless with nothing at all. I would never let that happen to one of my friends but the fact is that they have made all of the commitment that married people make with none of the security. He has health problems and his partner is threatening to take his benefits which wouldn't be allowed if they were legally married. He should get the same treatment that a housewife getting a divorce would get in a divorce.

Having the paperwork won't make your relationship better or more secure. For alimony purposes it does, but not on the human level. Marriage doesn't make people fall in love or stay in love, you have to have love first for it to work. It's a fact that escapes some people who marry for only a couple years. You and your girldfriend may have had something good, but don't think it will end there. have hope for the future, you will definitely found someone new, someone who loves you and who wants to be faithful. I don't know her (or you), but if she cheated for that long after dating for so long, she would have done it whether you were married or not. People aren't perfect, she's just not ready for a relationship like you want. Find someone who makes you happy and confident, and be happy. You deserve it : )