This Is Interesting...

Yesterday I asked an EP question.  It was pretty straight forward, I asked,

"What ingredients are absolutely essential for a good marriage?"

I had an ulterior motive when I asked this.  You see, I support gay marriages and I am tired of hearing the same old  "marriage is only about penis~vagina intercourse" answer.  So I asked what the essentials of a marriage were. 

I wanted to be very clear on this too.  I wanted what were the ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL elements for a successful marriage.  So I clarified my question by adding another paragraph to it.  So the full question was: 

"What ingredients are absolutely essential for a good marriage?

We all know that many, many marriages fail for various reasons. But what are the totally indispensable things in successful marriages? From your experience and observation, what are the things that good marriages MUST have?"

I received 22 answers.  One or two were deliberately silly, and I laughed, but the other 20 were serious.  The one I picked as the best was:

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

"Mutual love, mutual respect and open, honest communication. Sexual compatibility. Being able to talk about anything and everything. Being willing and able to work through any obstacle together. Couples I know that have been together for many years have also said that you just have to let each other be yourselves. It's easy to fall into a habit of "nit-picking" and bickering over little stuff that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Keeping things in perspective. Keeping things fresh and interesting. Never losing your mutual passion for each other or for life in general."

So, OK, I picked that one as best, but so did a number of other people.

The really interesting thing to me was that only two people mentioned gender at all in their answer.  And one of them was quoting a spanish saying. So if we say that 2 out of 20 (leaving the two joke answers out of this) even mention gender, this informal poll shows that for 90% of the people, when they think about what makes a successful marriage, gender is unimportant.

I agree.      

SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl
26-30, F
23 Responses Jan 29, 2009

I believe that gay people absolutely have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us,its completely unfair that they don't have the endless days in divorce court like the rest of us!!!Bring on gay marriage!I don't believe that religious institutions should be forced to marry them under the religious banner -they too have rights.

Religious Marriage is a religious union.... secular marriage is a contract.

Marriage is a religious union of a man and women. Government should have no control over marriage at all. Look at how much court time and attorney fees we could save. Property settlements would be handled in the same manner as with partners in business. Child support is both parents responsibility. Custody of the children would be both parents responsibility if one is unfit then custody goes to the fit parent .

Marriage has been a secular contract since long before many of our current religions were established. It is handled as a legal contract and breaking of that contract requires appropriate resources. Divorce does not require courts and attorneys to be used, it can be handled quietly without legal fuss as long as both partners agree to the terms, the same as a business partnership. When a business partnership is dissolved and both parties cannot agree to appropriate settlement, then the courts are involved the same as with divorce.

Yes Doctorirwin, we do, but obviously that is being ignored for some reason. Makes you wonder doesn't it? =-[

I have supported gay marriage for almost 25 years now. I am not gay but I do have gay friends, to be honest, my son's godmother is gay. When I got married, three days before the ceremonies we went to the county courthouse. It was there that the legal part of the marriage took place, not in the church or on the day of the wedding. It was that day when she became my closest living relative. Even over my parents. Oh and by the way in the USA do we not have a constitution which states there shale be no laws dived from any religion?

Thankyou nudeinva, that was most propitious of you to say so :o)

I appreciate your experiment and the fact that you shared the results with us.

EP will look into this if you email them. They looked into a complaint I had about harassment and responded back to me within 3 or 4 days.

If EP are going to let people flag answers they need to review each case immediately to check that the flagging was justified. Otherwise worthwhile stories will just keep disappearing.

People just typed in

Animalia Australis, I love your choice of words and your courage to use them. Keep it up please. In the meantime, let us all continue to support marriage for all as we have all said thus far!

There needs to be more of you in the world. <br />
You've inspired me, thank you. <br />

Someone flagging it? Well I guess just as we support gay marriage, there are those who don't. Obviously they need to go join the "homophobic" experience group (if there is one...and if there is one, I would be flagging that!). <br />
<br />
I think that your question and Asker's response were most perspicacious. ( I know that word doesn't really fit, but I felt compelled to put it there).

I can do nothing but applaud. This fantastic. I was beginning to think I was the only one who believed in same sex marriages. Thank you soo much. *note the two o's in so...

I know! Totally lame on someone's part!

That does not sound right at all!

No, the answer! That's why I put it here...

ha ha, ranmoo... no, not that kind of head! LOL!

Ok guys. u r giving me a big head(not that kind of a head)lol They say words of wisdom come out of the mouths of babes. There may b something 2 this having never grown up. Imagine that!

Yeah, but it was flagged and can't be posted, which I totally do not understand.

Thanks ranmoo... from your mouth to god's ears.

Short and sweet--Marry your best friend. My wife is my best friend AND my girl friend. I often tell my girlfriend things that I would not dare tell my wife. lolHowever, I do agree that gays r discriminated against. We finally grew up enough as a nation 2 accept women as equals. We finally matured enough 2 vote a black n 2 the presidentcy. I am sure there will come a time when gays will b truly equal.

That answer is true for love between two people regardless of gender. Just like you noted and support. marriage should be about a commitment between two people who wish to spend their lives together with all the legal advantages accorded by society. It has nothing to do with the gender make up of the couple!