Help, Im Married To A Man

I love women, I know you have heard this many times before. So, now what? I am not sure. I am old enough to know better, but in a situation that does not welcome honesty. I have children, I am on my second marriage, I am unhappy and know why. I have always been the outcast and fear of being even more rejected hurts. It was not my choice to be raised in the family I had, judged, ignored and shunned by others. However the desire to be accepted has hung around forever. I wanted to be one of the normal people, whatever that means. At 34, I am realizing, no one is normal, were all struggling to make it and life is short.... With that being told, how much time do I spend living this life of lies? I am confused, a people pleaser and unsatisfied. I sound depressed, right> Well, I am not. I have beautiful children, a great husband, a adorable home, a career and wonderful understanding friends. I would appear to have it together. However, inside Im secretly struggling with my sexuality. I know I would rather be with a woman, but I can not bear the thought of hurting my family. Seems awfuly selfish..Although , I have never put my happiness first and it would be nice to feel complete...Arrgghhhh, life can seem so complicated..
gbunsure gbunsure
31-35, F
6 Responses May 22, 2012

I know this is an old story but having joing Epeeps today I found this story and must comment to you gbunsure but all these women below. I am a lesbian, searching for the love of my life despite the circumstance. I am from South Africa, a country where currently black lesbians like myself are targets. Some men in this country have taken it upon themselves to "correct" our sexuality resulting in new brutal cases of 'corrective rape'. This is a gender based crime which is currently plaguing black townships where lesbians are dying. I cannot speak for all black lesbians from my country but I speak for myself when I say that I feel unsafe being openly gay when too many men are around, or when I walk the streets at night, when I am in a mall in a quiet section etc.
I am out and openly lesbian anyway, in the face of all this I am resilient. I would rather die than hide this very innate part of who I am. I am not trying to minimise your plight and your considerations about coming out. I am merely saying that your decision affects your heart and that my dear is the hardest part to break by being silenced. I hope you find the courage to truly 'live' your life, some of us live ours in the face of death at times. Be blessed and good luck!

Hi. I so understand what you are dealing with. First, I have done this very same thing. I have known I prefer girls since I was 11. I am currently married. Husband #2. I want to leave!!! I am 18 years older than you! PLEASE! Be happy! This may come in the form of a good female friend or a full blown affair, or you jump and become who you really are! I currently am struggling and want to come "out", but feel where I am at in my life, all will view this as some sort of breakdown. Please if you know yourself, don't! Live your life happy!

And to think I was the only one out there! No, I guess I knew there had to be others. I am on my second marriage, we have been married 15 years and have two beautiful teenage daughters. I realized that I was gay about eight years ago. I told my husband. I can't remember his response, but we are still married.... only we do not have sex or touch........ we each have our own beds. I have been in a few wonderful relationships with women, I too want to leave, but at this time, nobody seems to be complaining. I told my daughters a few years ago. They would prefer me to be normal and have even asked me to be, I can't. We don't just decide one day to turn our lives upside down and become lesbians! Good luck to you. I guess my suggestion would be to talk to your husband.

You can't stay for your kids, or him -- if you do, you will take it out on them one day...

I came out after 4 kids and 2 husbands. I was so scared. Now I am so happy and I have met the love of my life. I wish you luck in finding real peace with youself.

Sweety I'm right there with you, I am married to a man but inlove with a woman. But I am going to do something crazy. I'm gonna go see her.

we're in the same boat!