Everything Under the Sun

some of my earliest memories are of being hit, often for no good reason.  you name the type of abuse, i have survived through it.  and, yeah, the journey has been long, and often hellish, i am a stronger person for it.

i remember how badly i hurt, the uncertianty of whether or not i was gonna get pounded or just yelled at.  i still would rather be beaten than verbally abused. 

now i look at myself, and see that none of it was my fault.  i was no worse behaved than any kid; i did not deserve the beatings (and worse) that i endured.  i did not ask for mr. ______ to molest me.  i can finally say that i was an innocent victim.

i am no longer a victim.  now i am a SURVIVOR!!!!!
SunnyKris SunnyKris
26-30, F
5 Responses Aug 5, 2007

hear, hear! and cheers to another Sunny!!!

I've been there too. It's amazing to say that we our survivors. I know I don't know you personally, but i am proud of you and I am proud of every child who survives enduring all of the hell we had to go through. :D

now that i am an adult, i see many of the same character traits in myself as my dad has. i have caught myself lashing out at the person least able to defend herself... and i begin to understand my dad. sometimes the fear of... whatever... gets so big that it emerges in rage, and the defenseless ones are easy to lash out at because they do not hit back. i am not proud that i have yelled at my girlfriend for no good reason, but i am glad that i finally understand my father better.

How can anyone look into the face of a child and want to hurt them.

I understand what you mean by rather be beaten than verbally abused. Because for me then there is proof of your pain, you have a good reason to cry. <br />
I'm sorry, your life sounds like it was very difficult, but you seem to be in a much better place now. And I think it is very good you don't see yourself as a victim anymore, I think too many people go around as victims, waiting for (and causing) pain in their lives so that they can say "See? See how hard my life is?" <br />
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I wish you all the best. Stay strong.