Trying to Get Over Having Had Breast Cancer

I had always feared getting breast cancer. Even as a young teen. After 40 I went for regular check ups. I can just imagine the Doctors thinking that I was nuts. Anyway it happened. Last year I found out that I had breast cancer stage 2. I went through chemo and it was terrible but I wanted to live. I lost all of my hair and was sick a lot from chemo. I had a fear of breast cancer and then once I got it I fear all the time that it will come back somewhere else in my body. Everywhere I turn it seems like someone else has cancer. I want to put my mind at ease. The drs gave me me a 95% survival rate but my brain doesn't register that. All i think of is what if??????It is a terrible way to think all the time. Did anyone go through something like this? I pray to God all the time. I know that he is control and so why should I worry all of the time??? I don't have many friends where I live. I was from Connecticut and now I live in Colorado. Who wants to be friends with someone who is scared all of the time. I am thankful to God that it was caught at an early stage. I see people with cancer and it doesn't seem to phase them a bit. I wish I could be like that. My therapist that I had at one time seems to think that all the bad that happened in my childhood brought on the fear of breast cancer. Who knows. I just want some peace in my life. Thanks for reading my story. God BLess to all of you.
annannaco annannaco
51-55, F
2 Responses May 4, 2007

*reads*

Hi, this really resonates with me. I've been preoccupied with fear of death since childhood, not cancer in particular, but when I was diagonosed with breast cancer, I experienced real mortal terror for the first time. I think just the passage of time helps with that constant preoccupation. But the thing is, we ARE going to die, and SOMETHING is going to get us. I think what we need to be seeking is ACCEPTANCE of whatever happens. After surviving breast cancer and uterine cancer, I decided that dying of a disease would be preferable to say, dying of violent crime, because I like being in clean sheets and cared for by other humans. There are a lot worse ways to go. Accept the worse case scenario, and hold a little bit of faith in an afterlife, and concentrate on the present moment (not the what-ifs), and that's all anybody can do. We are all mortal. When I feel fearful, I try to think about young children with incurable illlness, and their faith and grace - and they didn't even get to live out the best part of their lives, as we older folks have. Read lots of spiritual books, stop and smell the roses, good luck.