for years now. I dont really know how many, Ive had a lump in my breast.
ive gone to three doctors, and everytime they said, your too young, your breasts are too dense, its just a fibroid. noone would give me a mammogram, no ultrasound, one doctor wouldnt even give me a breast exam. they thought that since I had no imediate family history, and because we do have a history of fibroid systic disease, that it would be a wast to give me a mammogram. I knew they were wrong.
I finally found a doctor, I said I have a big lump, noone else will help me. so she sent me to mammogram. they rushed me to ultrasound. and the radiologist said, this must be biopsied now.
the did a Core punch biopsy. 4 of them. it came back stage 2 breast cancer, HER-2 positive.
so here I sit, waiting for my mastectomy, getting things ready for my mother to come and help. My two daughters, 6 and 8, are in therapy now. I own my own dog grooming shop here in my home. Im now out of business. at least I can keep up on my college courses over the internet for animal behavior. I had so many plans that are now on hold. my little business that Ive worked so hard for is now closed. and did you know how beautiful my breasts are???
Im 105 lbs with a 34 D. Ive always been incredibly happy with my body. at 31 I make 20 year olds heads turn on the streets. Ive been jokingly called the trophy wife by my husbands friends. now its all gone. but ya know??? Im not really all that horribly depressed yet. Im saving that for when I have the right to be. right now, I need to stay strong, for my children, my husband. my friends. If I break they will break. Ill get new boobs. My hair will grow back. and I will be here to raise my children.
Now is not the time to cry. now is the time to fight! I will cry when the doctors tell me that my cancer is gone. I will cry with all the pain and frustration is over, when the cancer cant feed of my negative energy, when I can rest. I will not cry now. I must not. I must not give in to this disease.
I come from a long line of strong women. I will not let them down. I will not let my little girls down. I will not let myself down. I will cry later.
I will rise above.